10 Months of Thanks

For the first time in 5 years, it is so easy to give thanks.  I've said it many times, but the holidays just grow weary as each year ticks away when you are dealing with infertility.  It's a road that gets lonelier and lonelier the longer you stay on it because less of your friends can relate as they turn their focus on their 1, 2, 3... children.

Holidays are about family, and I've always been blessed with wonderful in-laws and out-laws (my side).  But even with wonderful families, it's just been that elephant in the room.  A sulky, sad, and embittered elephant at that.  And it's never been about not appreciating what I had, because I have always tried. But when the one thing you want, that comes so easily and naturally for the majority of people totally eludes you, it's hard to swallow the bitterness and focus on your blessings. The hole in your heart is just too raw.

Last year, I was preoccupied with being pregnant, and it was blissful.  I was so very blessed and fortunate to have such an easy pregnancy after the mighty struggle it took to get there.  Now I'm just so incredibly thankful.

It's easy to say I'm thankful for Matthew, but that is just the tip of the iceberg.

I am thankful for the perspective that infertility gave me, both in life and as a parent.  I'm thankful for the ability to let the small stuff go, and just enjoy the miracle of Matt. 

I am thankful for my better half who fulfills me, completes me, cheers me and is just the best teammate to have as we tackle this parenting thing.

I am thankful for my parents and in-laws who supported us in every way imaginable as BJ and I continued on despite what seemed impossible.

I am thankful for my best friend and her ear as she has been with me through all of the thick and thin of my life and continues to be a constant source of knowledge and comfort.

I am thankful for the Fertility Center and every single person at that clinic.  When we were at our rock bottom, they were there with their hands out-stretched.

I am thankful for the honor of being James Matthew's mother.  It is such a privilege that I do not take lightly.  I love you, Matt-moo, more than words can ever express.  It is truly an honor to be the person you reach towards and say "Mama" (even if you call other women "mama" 😉). I hope after your teenage years, when you kinda start liking us again, that you'll be glad we got you, too.

In the midst of what has so far been a pretty awful week, it doesn't take much looking back to realize how truly blessed I am.

So tomorrow I look forward to Matt being the star of the show.  I've waited a long time to have a baby shoving mashed potatoes in his face. Hopefully his stomach will be over whatever has it so upset today, and he'll get to gum all the tasty foods.

Peace, Love, and Happy Food Hangovers!

Mary Katherine & Matt

Matt Facts:

Weight: 17lbs 2oz
Height: 2'4.5ish
Teeth: 0, but I believe we'll have at least 1 at our next update...
Favorite Comfort item:  Dada or Mama...he's really not too attached to any one thing just yet.
Favorite food:  Dog kibble, sweet potatoes, carrot cake and whatever he can feed himself.
Favorite toy:  His V-tech Sit-to-Stand Walker...unfortunately ours seems to have a short that makes it go off every 15 seconds whether he's near it or not.  Thank goodness for off-switches.
New skills:  Clapping, waving hi and bye,  cruisin-for-a-bruisin, stair-climbing, sticking the entire end of electronic devices in his mouth, and catching every bug that comes his way (yeah for breastfed babies...oh, wait), standing and stepping unassisted but with rapid failures, and falling.
Words:  Mama, Dada, Bah-bah (Bye-bye with a drawal), Hi, Lala and nanana (you know...just conversation filler)
Future Career:  Mechanical engineer.  He's all about wheels and gears and things that spin.