Trigger-treat!

Ok so it's a little late for that title...but I liked it...

I hit the wall this morning.  I'm finally completely uncomfortable.  My nurse patted my belly and said, "Your poor belly, that looks miserable."  I'm done...I feel like my ovaries are about to explode.  I tried on three different pairs of pants this morning before giving up and moving on to a dress.  They would button but it's really uncomfortable for anything to squeeze my abdomen.

I've been an emotional train-wreck today.  I almost came over the table over something a co-worker said.  One of my co-workers was asking around for garlic and wolfsbane to keep me away today.  She loves me, though!  (Yes, Whitney, it was your mother :) ) Lots of people and everything is really pissing me off.  I blame my hormones, and maybe a little anxiety over having to wait 9 hours for a phone call to hear if it was time...

...And lo, it was!

I was instructed by my IVF coordinator, Jan, to inject 10,000 units of HCG into my ass.  So, I did.  It's a simple process...

You start with your basic everyday around the house syringe and 18 guage needle. Oh, and your bottle of HCG that you can order off any crazy diet website even though all the paperwork says it does nothing for weight loss...which if you ask most pregnant women, they'll probably tell you the HCG in their system had the opposite effect...but I digress...

You mix 1ml of the skinny vial into the fat vial...

You hand it to your husband for an inspection.  Actually this is BJ's first time holding a syringe.  I'm really proud of him.  He's very brave...

Insert needle while husband keeps his back turned and your puppy at bay and move on with your life for a whole 36 hours of needle-free bliss.  YAY!  It feels great to be at this point.  I'm going to swell even more as my follicles get to their final maturity level, which means another dress tomorrow, but it's totally worth it!

Tomorrow night BJ and I will head down for the big needle in Chattanooga Thursday morning.  I get to meet Dr. Bird, Donesky's partner, for the first time face to fa...Oh, hell, let's face it...face to beav... Talk about an awkward first date...at least I'll be ruphied...  I've only ever talked to the man while sobbing, so I hope this goes over better...on the bright side, it will be Donesky doing the transfer next Tuesday...

Jan, the coordinator, emphasized the importance of not wearing any perfume or scented lotion.  Eggs and embryos are extraordinarily sensitive to it and not in a good for them kind of way. So BJ and I will show up steam cleaned and Eau de Naturale.

We are that much closer to the moment of truth.  I cannot emphasize enough just how grateful I am to have another chance.  I'm confident in my medical team.  I'm excited to see/hear how my embryo-babies do this time.  I kind of feel like I have to kick my future children out of the nest when they are -38 weeks old. Hopefully, if things go well, they'll use this against me one day. It's hard thinking about them having to fend for themselves outside of my body their first few days.  Susan, my embryologist, will take good care of them, though.  I know she wants things to go better for us this time.

Peace, Love and Praying for Strong Em-babies,
MK

Merry Christmas!!!! (again)

I love packages...

Even ones that contain over 50 needles that I am to insert into my own flesh.

I start pushing the real stuff Friday so I'll be up from 1 needle a day to 3. Not really a big deal anymore, but just complicated.  Two of the three have to be refrigerated which is difficult when you are going out of town.  I'll be traveling with a cooler I guess.  Lots more pills this time...In the middle you can see all my supplements...L Carnitine, Royal Jelly, Juice Plus, Coenzyme Q10, Fish Oil and baby aspirin.

As always, I like to highlight how misogynistic fertility treatments are...

This is BJ's loot excluding the cat.  That is one of our other furbabies, Lucifer.  He's reminding me that it is his feeding time, and I've clearly overstayed my welcome in his kitchen without paying the kitty tax.

In case you were worried...Emma Grace is also on a protocol...

We are trying to treat a skin infection so she can have a gynecological procedure done.  It's looking like operation get Emma fixed before we go through IVF cycle 2 is going to be a bust.  Sneaky puppy...

So tomorrow BJ and I start our z-packs and Friday I'll take 225 units of Follistim in the belly at 7:00am and 150 of Menopur at 7:00 pm and 10 units of Lupron at 10:00pm. Woot! I still can't really believe I made it to this point again.  I'm really excited to be off to a better start.  Mind you, last time was not a bad start by any means, but this is over-achieving.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  I'm still worried about my egg quality, but I can only do what I can do, which is take my medication correctly, eat well, and be happy that I have this opportunity.

Peace, Love, and Band-Aids!
MK

Just an update...my "cycle buddies",which is infertile-speak for those undergoing treatments near the same time, are still not having a very strong showing.  The first person to have a positive pregnancy test ended up miscarrying within days.  I don't know why this is such a hard road for some people, but I'm proud to have met such wise, strong, kind and resilient young women.  If you don't care, please include them in your prayers.  THANKS!

Supression check - Check!

Today was the day, and a day it has been.

Firstly, because I'm not going to sit here and lie on my own blog, I want to tell you how Negative Nancy I've been.  I cried on the phone to my mother last night for a half hour because I just knew this cycle was not going to go well.  I keep having these flashes of my mother stepping off the plane to me, in tears, devastated and unable to compose sentences again.

This morning in the parking lot of the fertility clinic, I told BJ I didn't want to get out of the car.  I said, "Let's not and say we did."  BJ replied, "C'mon, let's go."  So I did...I do listen occasionally, but it's by free will.

Before you yell things like, "It's not going to work if you don't want it," and "Your thoughts are powerful." may I remind you of the fact that positive thinking only got us to round 2 of IVF with nothing but a huge dent in our bank accounts. Would you tell a cancer patient that if they relaxed and thought positively (maybe throw in a macrobiotic diet) they would get better?  That worked so well for Steve Jobs.  (Sorry if that's too soon for my geekier friends, I hate that he's gone too. Damn granolas and their holistic bs...)  Scientifically/philosophically speaking, things are gonna go how they go just like they went how they did in August.

I was ashamed that I felt so negatively last night.  Too ashamed to tell my husband.  But I did this morning, and he told me about the Stockdale Paradox.  This Stockdale guy is pretty amazing and describes my situation perfectly.  I'm not comparing myself to a POW, or a cancer patient, but please realize I do have a disease, and I am a patient. I think that is one of the most difficult things for breeders to understand when a friend suffers with infertility.

Relaxing, head-standing, adopting-to-induce-spontaneous-conception or any other natural method is pretty much giving the macrobiotic diet a whirl in lieu of chemotherapy and radiation.   I'm not sure this IVF cycle will work.  I want to have a baby more than anything in the world.  This is my paradox and if you take the link, you'll see it's not only rational to have these conflicting thoughts, it can save your sanity.  So I read it, and now I feel better.

So much so that I am willing to share my results.

Estrogen Level:  20.0    August Baseline 37.3  Desired results <50
So I'm over-achieving in this area, but I don't think how low necessarily makes a difference so long as it's below 50.  One website says the lower you are the better your response to stims...so YAY!

Progesterone Level:  .333  August Baseline .252   Desired results <1.5
Little higher than last time, but still nowhere close to 1.5, so I think it's all good.  We want this one to stay low until after the retrieval, and then I want it at 40 by 5dpt.


LH level:  2.86  August Baseline 4.16  Desired results <7
Better, it means my ovaries are "quieter" as the specialists like to call it.  They are more easilty taken hostage by stimulation medications.


Baseline Scan:  12-15 follicles on each ovary  August Baseline 5-7 on each  Desired results 10-12
Yeah buddy!  That's potentially a lot of eggs and I just need 1! 


So, yeah, I'm a little bit excited again.  I also know I'm gonna be alright no matter what.

Peace, Love and Last One of These,

Mary Katherine

Last bromocriptine!!!!!!

Yay, last one of those! Soon the real fun shall begin! Now it's time for my prolactin to rebound! (Hence, the bromocriptine rebound cycle.)

As I've mentioned before, I'm having a lot harder time being all gung ho about this cycle, and my acupuncturist even got on to me on the matter. I had been interpreting his Zen wisdom as he thought we should try naturally for a while longer. I asked him what he thought I should do if this cycle fails. He looked at me strangely and asked me why I was there.

Duh! I was there because I'm trying to make me better for a pregnancy now. Not next time, not a year from now, but now. It goes back to my control issues. I told my acupuncturist I had to have a plan B (technically, we would be on plan G) to help cope with a failure. He said, "Ok, plan B is for you to decide what to do after plan A,". Did I tell you I loved my acupuncturist?

I asked the same question to my husband the night before. (Like I said, I'm having my doubts...) Lately, I've been happy. Granted the door to parenthood is far from closed, but I haven't had time to think about it much because I've been so busy. It's taught me that I can be happy (at least when I'm crazy busy) despite all of this. I've enjoyed the last few weeks of fertility pressure-free bliss. I am truly as happy as I've been in a long while. I have a great husband who has a great job, a great job, myself, with three amazing co-workers, a great dog (well, we're working on it) and last, but far from least, some great friends. Oh, and cats...we have cats.

So happy, that I had an inkling of fear that maybe, if this doesn't work, we should think about the hideous word "child-free." So, as I said, I asked BJ what he thought we should do should this cycle fail. "Let's get through this cycle, first, and then ask Dr. Donesky, but I want to be a parent."

I do, too. So I've finished one prescription and ordered $4,200.00 more drugs. Monday morning, I have a suppression check to make sure my ovaries have shut down appropriately. They'll draw my blood for an Estrogen (E2) level, which we want to be under 50. We are looking for no cysts on the ultrasound and 16+ antral follicles. Antral follicles are our potential. They are where the eggs will mature. Starting with around 16 gives us a great chance at having an optimal number of eggs to work with (20ish).

If everything looks good, then round 2, here we come! I believe in Dr. Donesky, and I believe in our decision. I want this to be the ticket. I want this to work, please. I want to spawn!

In the meantime, please pray, meditate on, send vibes to my blogger role-model, Tamara. She's in the worst part of the process...the wait. Tamara, I'm thinking about you tons and can't wait to hear your good news!!!! Xoxo (Oh, and check out her blog...it's amazing! Awkwardlysocial.com)


Peace, love and rebounds,
MK

Random thoughts...

So everything is hunky-dory at Casa de Roberts on what has been a nice fall weekend, aside for another football loss, which we are unfortunately getting pretty used to in this part of the country...

BJ's getting psyched to start his new job. Unfortunately/Fortunately, his new job starts exactly when our IVF craziness gets hectic, but he met with his new boss this past week and found out he can take a couple of days off his first month working [SHEW!].  I have a great husband who has made a lot of sacrifices for me.  I think it took a lot of guts to meet with his new boss that he hasn't even started working for yet and tell him our "situation". Once again we've been blessed with employers who are as forgiving as they can be.

The only bummer about the timing of this cycle is my parents will be in Italy.  I'm so happy for them, and I hope they enjoy every minute of the trip.  It's just going to be different not being able to call my mother 2, 3, 4 times a day when things are scary, stressful, or just sad.  Sure, I have friends I could call, but who will listen to someone incomprehensibly sob into the phone for a half hour without telling you things will get better if things go poorly again? Who just listens to you lament without offering a fix?  Logistically, what do you do with a 6 month old 50lb frolicking puppy when you are on modified bed rest? I can do all these things, in fact I get paid to listen to other people suffer, but I've never been good at using my friends when I need them.  I truly hate being a burden.  I super hate for people to see me when I'm sick or incapacitated.  I just don't feel like myself and don't want to be seen.  So my options are to kennel my dear Emma, ask for help, or maybe both...AGH!

As for me, I'm trying to not be too preoccupied with this cycle.  I've had fun this weekend hanging with my husband, my mom, and a close friend.  It's been nice to just be "normal" despite running off to swallow a pill or shoot up occasionally.  I'm still trying to eat more organically, and a nazi about taking my drugs at the right time, but that is all I can and have to do.  It doesn't take up my whole day.

The Lupron has been pretty easy.  No side effects at all (told you I didn't believe in them...) The only issue is the needle.  These are super tiny insulin-sized syringes I'm using.  They don't hurt at all, except when the needle is blunt.  Then you have to go all kamikaze soldier on yourself.  I'm 2 and 2 on sharp and blunt, and visually they look exactly the same..ugh!...or maybe my skin is that tough (FINALLY)!

While I'm not spending hour upon hour on fertility message boards I am following a group going through their IVF cycle around the same time.  It's easier to be more concerned for them, to share my experiences with the 1st timers, and to have a specific group to pray for and know they are praying for me.  Again, this is a very isolating experience.  It's seems even more isolating after a failure.  I don't know a single person personally who has been through an IVF failure, so a little time on a message board where I can find a few helps.  Unfortunately, thus far we've started this cycle with more consoling than celebrating.  If you would not mind, please throw in an extra prayer for all of us who are suffering through infertility.  Thanks!

Peace, Love, and a Prayer or Two,
MK

Ask and you shall receive...

at least some things.

Yeah, so my period finally started last Thursday so I made the call to my IVF Nurse Coordinator, Jan, took 800mg of ibuprofen and went about my day with increasing doses of ibuprofen every four hours.  The next day I received 3 phone calls back to back from Jan.

My period came too late, and as we hypothesized, I ovulate too late to wait to start my Lupron.  After a few phone calls to Dr. Donesky, his partner, and Jan, they agreed that I'll start on birth control pills.  This is a good thing because it may very well save me from the cyst draining procedure that does not require anesthesia.  Wednesday, as in 3 days from now, I'll start Lupron shots.  As the name long Lupron protocol suggests, I'll be on shots for a long time through November.  

I'm not gonna lie, I am not excited about this like I was the first time.  I'm more resigned to it. I hate that I can't make myself "think positively", and it does make me feel guilty.  It's just really hard this time to get pumped up for it.  I'm afraid I don't have anything to look forward to in the short-term.  The long-term...well I'm just up for a pleasant surprise.  It's the natural pessimist in me...prepare for the worst and be elated that you don't need anything you've prepared for.  

It's not like I think there is no chance, it's just that I don't really know what my chances are.  I know Dr. Donesky thinks it's totally a possibility.  He doesn't want his success statistics to go down any more than I want to have another failure.  So no, I don't think he's taking advantage or stringing me along as some have questioned. He's second only to BJ in men trying to get me knocked up. (If there's anybody else in that line, I'd prefer to not know about it.  Thanks! :))  There is just a ton of unknown, and if you know me at all, you know the unknown is not a place I like to spend a lot of time.  

So instead, here's what I do know.  BJ and I've really jacked up our supplement intake this past month and are continuing to do so throughout this whole process.  In addition to a new protocol, I have the whole bromocriptine-rebound thing I'm still doing which research shows has promising results.  I wouldn't be doing this again if it wasn't worth it.  I know what to expect, and all-in-all, medically speaking, nothing is too bad.  I have BJ, and he's still pretty damn amazing.

M:  Whatcha thinking now?

B:  I'm still nervous, why?  Are you interviewing me?

M: Mmm-hmm.  Do you wanna try again?

B: Mmm-hmm.

M:  What's our theme this time?

B:  "The Good Life"?

M: I think it's perfect.  I myself am trying to listen to "Jesus Take the Wheel"

B: Why?


M:  Simply for the line, "I'ma let it go."

B:  Ah...

M:  Tell me about the book you've been reading.
B: Clash of the Kings?  Or are you talking about Plastic Cup?


M: Hmm..Well let's use deductive reasoning skills...I'm pretty sure people aren't checking my blog to hear...
B:...hear about George R.R. Martin's very epic Clash of the Kings.  Well it's more interesting than my sperm count.


M:  You wanna start a blog about it and compare readership?
B:...You're pretty mean.


M:  It made me laugh.
B: Mmm-hmm


M:  So, about the much more boring book...Did you like the title?
B: How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup...mmm-hmm.  I've not read a lot, but it is helpful.


M:  Well, I thought it was funny...I love you a lot.
B:  I love you.


M:  I do think this time will be easier.
B: We'll I'm sure you're an old-hand at injecting yourself with God knows what, and I'm an old-hand at cowering in the corner while you do it.  


M:  I'll let you try this time.
B:  I tried. I didn't do well.


M:  That was years ago.
B:  Well nothing has changed on how scared of needles I am.


M: We could make an acupuncture appointment for you?
B: No!


Poor thing...the human race would have gone extinct long ago if men were left to themselves...

Peace, Love, and HERE WE GO!
MK

"The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - and never knowing."

~David Viscott

Homework

My homework assignment...

1. When will you stop?

When Dr. D and possibly a second opinion suggest we do so.  I don't want ovarian cancer any more than I want to live child-free.  I know people think we're crazy, or even worse, when they tell us, "Maybe it's God telling you to adopt." My reply, "God bless you, but **** off."  (OK, so only in my head...)  It's not about you or what you think you know. Right now, I'm as young and healthy as I'm going to be for the rest of my life. Let's take advantage of it.  Dr. D thinks it's totally possible for us to have our own baby and we're trying lots of new stuff.  So my final answer to this is...Why give up?

2.  What if you never get pregnant?
Remain continent and not have to wear funny looking pants? I guess that's when we look more seriously into adoption.  Sure I'll be extremely sad to never have that experience.  Everything from hearing a heartbeat for the first time, feeling the baby kick, and actually having something big enough to see on an ultrasound will be a hard experience for me to lose.  There's a ton of stupid little things, too.  For instance, friends throwing a baby shower for you which is a kinda selfish thing to want to experience, but still, it's part of the experience. I want to be able to laugh at how nervous BJ was on the way to the hospital.  I want to see if he really will pass out. If a pregnancy doesn't happen, I'll hurt, but I know I'll survive. I seem to manage these situations somehow, some way, and occasionally with a little help.  It's not going to be an easy thing to accept by any means, but in then end...I want to be someone's mother.  If it is meant to be for me to adopt, then it is meant to be.  God, BJ and I will come to that decision together.

3.  What if you never have children?
I will have a huge void in my life.  I'll have to find a way to fill it.  It's still too hard for me to think about not fulfilling this dream.  I guess we could travel, but it just doesn't thrill me like the idea of being a parent.  I must say I'm still really lost on this one because I've not thought about actually living a "child free" life.  I can't imagine a world where BJ will never get to be a father.  I can't look at our little Emma Grace and not think about a toddler tugging her ears and tail, and Emma Grace just loving it. (No attention is bad attention for E.G.) It's a ways off before we have to make this decision. So I'm not going to spend time spinning my wheels because you just never know.

What have I learned from this?

I don't feel hopeless anymore.
I am stronger than I give myself credit for.
I am not near as scared as I thought I was.
I have an amazing family already.  Surely, there is a little soul that would like to join our chaos.
You get a discount on the 2nd round of IVF at my clinic.
Bromocriptine can make you dizzy, but not dizzy enough to make me want to carpool at 6:30am.
BJ can now swallow really big pills.
Men CAN get baby fever (lotsa love to Reese and Teigan).
Dogs can take the same fish oil pills that their adoptive parents take.  (The family that takes vitamins together...)

*Sigh*


So this is my normal now.  I'm back to getting regular emails and phone calls from the fertility clinic.  The last one being focused on trying to figure out when I can start Lupron.  It went like this...

Nurse:  What day of your cycle did you ovulate this month?
MK:  21st
Nurse:  Hmm.  We will probably start your Lupron early, then.
MK:  This may be a stupid question. Now that I know enough to be dangerous, will the follicle (cyst on my ovary that normally would release an egg) that was developing dissipate when I start Lupron?
Nurse:  No, probably not. We may have to drain it.  We do it all the time.  It's a simple procedure that doesn't require anesthesia.
MK:  Of course it doesn't.
Nurse: [Laughing].  Well, what's one more needle at this point?

Ah, the thrill of fertility treatments...

Peace, Love, and Balls that are Rolling,
MK

Getting back on the horse...

So today I filled my first prescription for the next cycle.  I can't help but be a little bit excited.  Partly, it's the first prescription to help with conception that I've gotten since I started this process that actually only cost me $5.00 with my insurance. It's the little things...

Tomorrow, I take my first dose of bromocriptine which is usually used to treat Parkinson's disease and hyperprolactinemia. Neither of which I have.  As with most fertility drugs, along come bizarre side effects.  With bromocriptine, it's simply dizziness and fainting.  In fact, I quote the paperwork the drug comes with, "You should immediately lay down after taking the first dose of this medication."  Sounds like fun...BRING IT ON!

So, while I am taking bromocriptine, this is still pretty much a resting cycle.  BJ and I are free to "try naturally".  BJ is happy as making love with a specimen cup is still not his preference.  Me?  I'm on board...crazier things have happened!  As painful as failed fertility treatment cycles are, the pain is dulled by focusing on the hope of another chance.  I guess it's similar to childbirth.  Your pain subsides and you go for it again.

Anyway, even though I'm "resting", it's still a pretty complicated day of supplements/medications.  I wake up and take a spoonful of royal jelly on an empty stomach.  I get ready for work.  On my way to work I drink a bottle of water with my co-enzyme Q10 supplement and Juice+.  I make oatmeal with flax seed at work to make sure the royal jelly has plenty of time to absorb before I have food in my stomach.  I take the L-Carnitine with my oatmeal.  About an hour and half to two hours later I take my prenatal vitamin with a bottle of water because it's supposed to be taken between meals.  I take my second dose of L-Carnitine and Juice+ with dinner. A few hours later, at bedtime, I will take another spoonful of royal jelly and my bromocriptine. All of which is approved or prescribed by Dr. D.

Let's not forget yoga, acupuncture, Mayan abdominal massages, regular exercise, counseling, and support group meetings.  So yeah, I'm "resting"...fertility is the furthest thing from my mind. [I crack myself up.]  Oh, and I still work full time.  (Yes, boss, I really do!)

So, yeah, I'm back in the saddle of the crazy infertility horse. I feel comfortable here, though.  Maybe not uber-confident, but I don't need to be because Dr. D is.  I am feeling good enough, and this tells me we've made the right decision for us.

Peace, Love, and a little Craziness,
MK

~Pround to be here on Patriot's Day.~

"And here we are again."

This is what Dr. Donesky opened our follow-up/debriefing/give me hope/whatever else you want to call it appointment after shaking our hands. 

*SIGH* Yes, here we are again.

It has been a long, terrible, and painful week.  This is the first day I've made it until 6:49 pm Eastern Time without breaking into tears.  [Pats self on back.]  You go into an IVF cycle full of hope.  You know things are going to work...Hell, it does work for 65% of couples.  Besides, would you really pay your child's first full year of college tuition if you thought, 'oh, there's probably no chance.' No, that would be absurd.  So you're so excited for your future, for your possible children, for your family.  You think this is going to be a cake-walk and then...

NOTHING. Notta, zip.  Not even a frozen embryo to try in a few weeks.

I still can't adequately describe the pain I've been in for the past 11 days. There is the physical pain, which I had a good 48 hours of excruciating cramping.  At one point I couldn't even sit up to take medicine because I was doubled over, and I couldn't bare to straighten.  Then, there is the emotional pain. I've been blessed enough to never have had a boy break my heart. [Translation:  I was an ice queen (ok, bitch) who never let a boy get in close enough for me to be attached enough to break my heart...until I met BJ :)] Well, I think I've caught up and surpassed that kind of broken heart.  Mine was/is shattered.  Everyday I seem to find a piece in something.  I totally thought I would have spent the last week staring at myself in the mirror thinking 'Gee, I'm pregnant.'  Instead it's been spent trying to accept the reality that I may never get to be pregnant.

As if it wasn't bad enough that the cycle failed, the problem we have with our ailing embryos is devastating news.  As Dr. Donesky says, "It's not what you want to see."  So, since the transfer, I've had to try to deal with the fact that this may not work, EVER.  I can't tell you what it's like to think that you may not be able to create a little being with your soul mate that has my eyes and his hair (or, hopefully, vice versa).  To not get a chance to see all the great things about BJ and myself made into a precious little being...  To not get a chance to roll my eyes at all the traits and qualities that we didn't really want to pass on...  This has been a huge blow, and no one can really tell you anything you want to hear because all you want to hear is "You're pregnant."

I've quit crying on my way to work as of yesterday, but after sitting through a student support meeting about getting homebound services arranged for one my pregnant students, and then listening to her complain about how awful she feels, how she wishes she could go back in time, blah, blah, blah...I lost it.  Ruined my record of the day before which was 11:30 am before I started crying.  Instead of keeping track of HCG levels, I've resorted to how many hours I can go between tears.  I've had to grieve, because I've had significant lost, but at what point do you say enough?

I don't know if I've been that harsh with myself, but I did come to the conclusion, that I can parent.  Whether it be a successful IVF cycle, using donor eggs, using donor embyros, or adopting, I still have plenty of opportunity to have a child.  I HAVE time, I have opportunity, and I have my beautiful husband.  Oh, and I've still got the best RE going, in my opinion, not to mention family and friends. 

So, today, we met again with Dr. D.  He opened with the above statement, and then we got down to business.  He said over and over, it just takes one embryo, and that we have it.  He's changing my protocol completely.  We're going to do a bromocriptine-rebound along with a long-lupron protocol.  He told me to keep taking a new supplement I started called coenzyme Q10 which is an antioxidant.  I'm back on the gluten free train.  BJ and I are both going to start a new supplement called Juice+ which is like eating 17 fruits and vegetables in a day, which, I'll be honest, I don't do, nor anywhere close.  Basically, we are trying to increase cell stabilization by reducing free radicals in our systems. 

I start taking Parlodel on Monday, which is the bromocriptine.  The idea being that it will supress my pituitary from making any prolactin (hormone you produce in large quanities while breast-feeding).  Then I'll stop taking it a few days before I take the stimulation medication, and my prolactin levels will increase to higher than they were before (hence, the rebound). Scientists know prolactin is in the fallopian tubes.  They don't know what it's doing there, but they know it has some affect on the embryos.  There have been a few studies that show improvement in overall embryo quality in patients who have had poor embryo performance in previous cycles i.e. ME. 

The long-lupron protocol will shut my pituitary down more than the birth control pills did.  In fact, I won't be taking birth control at all this time.  It does mean more shots, but this honey badger don't care. I'll start lupron shots some time toward the late middle part of my next menstrual cycle, which considering this is the first unmedicated cycle I've had in 6 months...should be exciting.

Actually it is exciting.  It's another chance for that one embryo which is all we need.  I believe BJ, Dr. D., Susan, and I can do it. We will do it.  Am I a little more fearful? Yes, but who wouldn't be?  Am I ready?  Definitely, you can't accomplish anything if you never make an attempt.  So here I am, AGAIN, holding BJ's hand, and ready to take down this beast which is infertility.

"Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'."
~Mary Anne Radmacher

Peace, Love, and a Little Courage,
MK

The sun keeps coming up.

No matter how bad I feel.  No matter how sad I am.  No matter how many times I cry in a single day.  The sun keeps coming up.  We need rain.  Seriously, the grass is crunchy, the pool keeps evaporating faster than normal, the puppy is too hot and miserable to take walks outside, yet the sun continues to shine.  The sun is a stubborn beast of a star.

I had another blood test at the fertility center yesterday.  In just three attempts they were able to get enough blood to assess my progesterone levels.  They must have been great b/c they didn't call to tell me to change my meds.  This is excellent news in the sense that I'm perfectly capable of carrying a pregnancy with a little hormonal support.  Although, there is a cost to this "support."  The occasional misfire of the needle can leave you with a bloody mess.

Sorry if it's too gruesome for you! This is only the 2nd time, but I hit another vein and it is a little disconcerting.
I'm going to have to start drawing X's on my butt on the bad spots. Won't that be sexy!

Dr. D's medical assistant was awesome.  She told me that Dr. D has never had a patient my age that he has given up on and she couldn't think of one that didn't go on to have a baby.  She asked Dr. D to take time out of his schedule to talk to me.

I don't know that I will get bad news on Tuesday (the day of my blood pregnancy test) for sure at all. However, I need to know what (if any) contingency plan there is.  Afterall, the frozen embryo transfer is out the window because my poor little ones were unable to make it to the blast stage.  I can't be stuck with horrendous news and not have something to look forward to.  That just won't work for me.  I can't be crazy with devastation and not have a lighted path to walk on.

Anyway, Dr. D, graciously gave up some of his time to talk to me.  He immediately reiterated, "I've done transfers that I was positive were going to be a complete waste of time.  You're embryos were not in that category."  He went on, "If, IF, we have to do it again, we have some different things to try. I feel confident that you can carry a pregnancy, we may have to look into some different options, but you can get pregnant.  Going to donor eggs at this point would be taking the easy way out with you, and I'm not ready to do that."  He went on to describe a few options which I'm not going to get into in this blog, because it's a bit premature.

It made me feel better.  Fertility clinics are (SHOULD be if they have any credibility) big on reporting their statistics, and IF this doesn't work, I hated to think I was going to be one of those patients that the clinic gets scared of. According to Dr. D and his nurse, I'm far from that category.  Is it sad that I'm starting to love these people?

I felt a little better, and trucked it to work where I cried when the secretary asked me how it went.  I cried when the new assistant principal who struggled with infertility asked me how it went.  I cried when my boss asked me what I was willing to go through to have a child.  I cried when I was in my office alone.  My co-counselors were amazing.  They didn't ask as per my request.  They treated me as normal as they could considering I'm a walking time-bomb.  All-in-all, it still went much better than I thought it was going to go.

Today was better, I only cried once before our in-service started.  I did kind of brush off one person I wasn't expecting to be a blog-reader who told me her heart was going out to me.  I was caught off guard and I didn't want to start bawling, so I nodded and sat down.  After a few more speakers I was able to go back to her and tell her I appreciated her concern and apologized for walking off without tearing up.  She completely understood.

Then I got home, played with my beautiful puppy, Emma Grace, got a little acknowledgement from one of my cats while doing some chores, and then got on my computer to check some blogs I've been following.  That is where I found this blog post on my blog's dashboard.  I was moved to tears to say the least.  People like the Slocums are why the sun keeps coming up.  They give BJ and I a reason to act somewhat normal, attend social events, and remember that we aren't lepers even though I feel like I am.  Thank you guys so much!  I cannot convey  in words how much your friendship has meant to us, or how fortunate we are to have people like you in our lives!

So the sun came up today and although I was dizzy, queasy, crampy and tired, it's been a blessed day.

Peace, Love, & Friends,
MK

What can you do?

"The greatest oak was once just a little nut who held its ground." ~Author Unknown

What do you do when you are barely 3 days past a 5 day embryo transfer and you wake up at 5am with pain and bleeding? You scream.  Fortunately for my neighbors, I'm still too hoarse to scream so not a sound came out of my mouth but a faint strain. Then I got it together and called the emergency line at my fertility clinic.  I woke up my RE's poor partner.  He asked me if I was using Endometrin. I said yes.  Well, that is what is causing it.  Apparently it can be really irritating to the cervix and cause the cervical cells to ooze blood.  LOVELY!  Then you feel really stupid and email your doctor's nurse and ask if there is anything you can do for the pain.  Most people can't feel their cervix, but not so with me.  Mine HURTS.

This morning my nurse emailed me back and said to switch to progesterone shots twice a day.  GLADLY!  This Endometrin stuff is not for the faint of heart.  It's a nasty little pessary that kinda looks like a yeast infection treatment and is extremely messy.  'Snot fun.  So yes, I'll gladly switch back to two-a-day progesterone in oil shots with a 1.5 inch needle and large bore, thank you very much.

So aside from having a near death experience this morning, I'm doing ok.  I'm getting over the cold or whatever it was that made me so hoarse for so long.  I'm starting to feel a little queasy especially when my stomach is empty with all the hormones I'm pumped up on.  It's that kind of nausea where you feel like you might throw up, but it's not worth the energy to go to the bathroom and lean over the toilet.  I seriously have enough hormones in my body right now to support a man through a pregnancy.  The Promtetrium makes me a little dizzy even while lying down. I'll be supine and feel like I'm on a boat. My boobs hurt if you look at them too hard.  I'm achy from not doing anything. This all sounds good, right?  Except that it's all just potentially side effects from the hormones...but just maybe!

Mentally, well it's still a toss up between hope and fear.  Really though, what is hope?  If you weren't afraid of anything, then you wouldn't need hope.  Hope and fear go hand in hand and I have tons of  both.  I'm scared for my little ones. I'm scared about my genetics.  I'm scared of my results on Tuesday.  People keep asking me if this is the longest week ever, and you'd think it would be.  It's not.  It's going way too fast.  I'm pregnant until proven otherwise and Tuesday is the day we find out if it is the otherwise.

Until then, I carry on being the best a little bit pregnant mommy I can be.  Tomorrow I have my blood drawn to check my progesterone levels, then I head back to the real world.  I'm glad to have something to do, but I know I'm going to cry every time someone asks how it went.  I can't help myself.

I think people misinterpret my tears with hopelessness.  No, it's just fear and disappointment.  I totally believe in my two little fighters.  I, however, haven't totally wrapped my mind about how my other little embryo babies did not make it.  Again, no one was expecting this, so how could BJ and I expect to understand why or not be concerned?  We are grateful that we had 2 to transfer and praying for their continued development. [You got this, babies!  Just keep going! I love you!]

I was doing a little research last night, and read where they compare infertility patients second to cancer patients in fighting for a cure. It made me realize that I'm not crazy for feeling like I'm in a fight for my life, because I am.  It may not be my literal life, fortunately, but it is the life that I wanted and expected.  It's a fight for my dreams. It's a fight for my children's lives that just aren't quite here yet.  Why else would I stab myself with needles, spend hours exposed in stirrups, endure painful procedures, and subject myself to the worst emotional pain I've ever had again and again?

Because I so very much love the children I don't have in my arms just yet. Because I believe in my dreams, in my husband, and in my doctors.  Not trying is dying, and I'm not ready to let my dreams die.

Peace, Love, and implanting embryos,
MK

Gatorade is the best!

So I have some amazing news!  I've lost 8 lbs!  Yes, for real.  Who knew an egg retrieval would help that much!  7 more lbs to go, so I'm still slugging Gatorade as if my life depended on it.  Wonder how "water with miso lady" is doing?  

I was supposed to hear from Susan the embryologist around 10:00am, so at 10:01am I had myself convinced that they had bad news.  My Tyelenol was also wearing off so I was getting pretty uncomfortable.  I was near tears when my cell phone displayed missed call around 10:49am from the fertility clinic.  Of course my phone never rang.  I called and they immediately transferred me back to Susan who said [insert drum roll]

"Out of your 24 eggs, 20 were mature and 17 fertilized which is outstanding. That is an amazing return." So as of this moment BJ and I are the proud parents of 17 2-4 celled embryos.  I started crying immediately because I was just so relieved.  Of course everyone thought I was in pain from yesterday's hoopla.  Once I corrected them, they were full of joyful tears also. My father was so thrilled to find out he started naming them.  His names included poached, over-easy, hard-boiled, yolk, sunny-side, etc.  Oh, what a sense of humor that man has...Well, at least you know where I get it, now. 

I'm ecstatic.  I know I'm getting way ahead of myself, but it's still my belief that fertilization was our hurdle.  I know we are far, far away from home free, but we are a whole helluva lot closer to being parents than we ever thought we could be.  We've got a ways to go yet, but I'm ready to keep trucking and get through the next step.  

So for the next few days, I'm wearing estrogen patches and taking progesterone-in-oil (PIO) injections. They're a nasty little IM injection that have to be done with a huge needle because the oil is so thick.

Talk about pain in the ass...

They've already set us up to do the embryo transfer Sunday morning.  So we will be headed back down to Chat-town Saturday night.  Then I'll be laid out for the next three days while I let my babies implant which should happen in the following 5 days if all goes well.  I'll take a pregnancy test on the 30th and we will know if it worked.  I hope, hope, hope and pray this keeps going so well!

I also want to take another chance to thank all of you who've been asking about me and checking up on me. I know it is your prayers and thoughts that have made this process so much easier and successful.  It really brightens my day and has totally gotten me through some pretty rotten moments. Thank you, thank you, thank you!  Feel free to name one of my 17 babies after yourself...anything is better than over-easy!

Peace, Love & Continued development!

MK

Cluck, Cluck

This morning at 6:00am with four different alarms buzzing (it's a time-sensitive thing, and I was not taking any chances!!!) my amazing husband and I headed to the Chat-town facility of the fertility clinic we are using.  We had to do this because this is where the embryology lab is.  I slept like a baby the night before and woke up feeling rather que sera sera about the whole ordeal.  I knew I had taken my medicince exactly as instructed and refrained from any activities (such as running) that would possibly have had a negative impact on my ovaries.  However many eggs I had was what I had, and there was nothing more I could do about it. 

They took us back to prep for my "surgery".  They started an IV and all those shenanigans.  They use propofol, which is a short-acting anesthetic that is partially to blame for Micheal Jackson's demise.  It's good stuff.  I also found out that as of today I have gained 15 lbs in the last couple of weeks which was extremely depressing.  Most of it is water-weight from the fluids in my follicles, but it's still miserable.  What's worse, is that my body thinks it needs to refill  that fluid so it's going to hang on to water for a while still.  I'm on a diet of gatorade and have to weigh myself everyday for the next few days and until my weight get's back under control.  No one told me about  this part...but it sure explains why I've been so miserable the last few days.

I walked myself back to the operating room and once again was strapped into stirrups while being put under...sigh...It was not awful though.  I had an amazing staff of nurses working with me and they were super-comforting and encouraging.  They knew this was a big deal and treated me with a lot of deference which I really didn't expect.  Dr. D came in and helped get me ready.  They have to wait until the last possible minute to give the propofol because it can damage the eggs.  As soon as I was out they used an internal ultra-sound wand fitted with a 12" needle bayonet, with pipettes.  Dr. D individually inserted the needle into each follicle on my ovaries and removed all the fluid.

This is what was happening to me. How was your morning? (image from babydust.eponym.com)





It only took Dr. D about a half hour and I was rolled back into the recovery area to get an iv antibiotic and be monitored for a bit.  I had no pain what-so-ever when I woke up which is amazing for getting stabbed at least 24 times.  The embryologist, Susan, came back and told me they were able to retrieve 24 eggs, and after yesterday's freak-out, I broke down.  I was truly overwhelmed with emotion because I was so relieved to find out I actually had eggs.  The nurses hugged me and told me they were very proud.  Susan reassured me that she was an excellent baby-sitter.  After some more discharge instructions, they sent us on our way.  I thought I'd made it home without any funny anesthesia stories, but not so...

I hate to be mean, but the other couple getting their retrieval today was super-annoying.  They had a monitoring appointment around the same time as us Sunday, and we were laughing at them then, because they brought the maternal grandmother-to-be.  Well she came to the retrieval, too.  I was embarassed for the couple in their upper-thirties from that alone...(I'm Miss Independent, remember) but then we had to listen to them, too.  The husband opened up the conversation with, "How many times have your dropped the test tube with the eggs?"  HOLY HELL!  WHAT AN ASSHOLE! I asked BJ to go punch him (this was before my procedure so I wasn't drunk yet and asked it quietly.)  Then I had to listen to the potential mother-to-be refuse to drink gatorade.  "Can I drink water with miso, intead?"  OMG lady...you've gone through all this and you are refusing to drink Gatorade because of the sugar-content.  GET REAL!  The nurse more nicely than I can type implied she could do whatever she wanted, but that they've had to cancel transfers because of OHSS when people did not follow the protocol. 

After the procedure (when I was a little drunk), I had to listen to the granny-to-be argue with the nurse about the appropriate needles to use for the progesterone-in-oil injections.  REALLY??? Just do what they tell you for God's sakes, people!  Is it really worth 2 months of your time and $15,000 grand down the tubes for not doing what the experts who do this everyday say?  So then they mentioned that they were able to retrieve 17 eggs from "dip-shit" couple, and that is when I loudly said, "Yes, we beat them! We got 24!"  What!? I can't help my competitive nature!

So now, I'm supposed to keep drinking gatorade, heal up, and get ready to have my babies put back where they belong on Sunday.  Susan performed the ICSI this afternoon, but it will still take until tomorrow to find out how many fertilize correctly.  Each day some may quit progressing, so I intellectually understand that I'm not going to have 2 embryos to implant and 22 to freeze.  Emotionally, however, it's still sad to think that a little life (how-so-ever small) did not make it. I'm going to get a call tomorrow with the results of the ICSI.  Pray for my babies! 

As for now, it's time to go face a 1.5" needle with a large bore.  Hopefully, only five days of this!

Peace, Love, and Fertilization!
MK

OK, this is not for wimps...

Well, I said in my last blog that I couldn't feel my ovaries yet.  Well, that must have been the kiss of death because the next morning, if I walked too fast, jumped, or even just breathed deeply...I sure felt 'em. It's an odd sensation. Like I have two stones in my lower abdomen that feel bruised.

Speaking of bruisies...check this out!

This is my bruised, swollen belly that is taking the brunt of this process.  Ain't it cute?

Yeah, so thanks to the baby aspirin, I bleed all over my shirts if I don't use a bandaid and then I just form sexy little bruises.  Plus the bandaids help me know where I injected myself so I don't use the same place over and over.  You know, the whole blood clot thing...

BJ is just thrilled, as you could probably guess.  Nothing is hotter than a wife with multiple bandaids and bruises all over her body.  I feel like Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown! Yuck! Both injections seem to be leaving bruises at this point, and the Menopur definitely is like stinging myself with a bee.  I thought it wasn't so bad yesterday, and then today it came back and bit me. I guess I'll have time to experiment some more as the week is still young.  I still wind up with a headache every night and am dog tired from 2:00pm on.  However, the laundry situation does not resolve itself, unfortunately so I must trudge on.  (I still think BJ could just go to Wal-Mart if he needs more underwear...)

I had my first monitoring appointment yesterday with Dr. D.  I have 10+ follicles on each side that are close to approaching the 10mm mark which I thought was disappointing since it wasn't much bigger than last Thursday at my baseline.  Dr. D explained that it was just great because in an unmedicated cycle several of the follicles would already have been reabsorbed at this point. Also you would expect some follicles to begin to dominate, which we do not want to happen because I want all 20 eggs next week!  Dr. D also said he'd probably know by Saturday when I would have my retrieval.  Yikes! Can't wait!

They also took more bloodwork.  They hit the vein in two attempts this time. My estradiol (E2, otherwise known as estrogen, but calling it that wouldn't reinforce all the money the doctors spent earning their MD's...) has gone up from 37.5 to 435.  My E2 may get as high as 3000 something if all goes well.  Anything above 4000 indicates I may have ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome which is no fun and we would like to avoid.  My progesterone level is nice and low (I'm still deficient, but that's ok on this side of the cycle), and my luteinizing hormone (LH) dropped from 4 something to 1 and some change which is good because LH is the hormone that surges to cause ovulation.

They had me remain on the same doses of my medication until my next appointment which is tomorrow.  How exciting! Here's to growing follicles and tennis ball-sized ovaries.

Peace, Love and Tylenol,

MK

On Pins & Needles

I started my injections on Friday, and the side effects have been a bit beastly this weekend. Don't get me wrong, I would do this all year long if that is what it would take to procreate...assuming it didn't kill me first.  It is difficult, though.  These aren't drugs you just pop and move on with your day.  They kinda creep back and catch up with you.

I took my first dose of Follistim on Friday at 7:00am.  I went to work for a full day, and by 5:30 I could barely hold my eyes open.  I stayed awake long enough to give myself my Menopur at 7:00 pm while we were on the road to my parents house, but then I slept until we got there. I dozed on and off the rest of the evening.  It felt like one of those college weekends where you partied a little too hard and slept on an awkward surface.  I was too tired to sleep well, and my bones ached so I couldn't really get comfy.  I guess I had a hangover with none of the fun.  Then there is the Menopur...

Oh, Menopur! How I hate thee.  Let me count the ways.



All the required equipment for Menopur...

 1. You are a pain in the side.  No really you sting like a bee. It's really one thing to work up enough nerve to jab yourself, but, then, for the medicine to burn like beast going in also does not add any delight to the situation. 

2. You are annoying.  I have to mix this stuff and it involves 3 vials and putting the right amount in each vial, letting it sit long enough to dissolve sucking it back out of a vial and putting it in another vial, and then finally injecting myself. 

3. You are a headache.  Every evening I've had one of those nasty little headaches that just circulates my skull.  It's no fun.  I would appreciate it if you'd spend time doing your thing on my ovaries instead of floating around and messing otherwise healthy parts of my body up.  Thank you.

It's going to be a long week I fear, but hopefully will all be worth it very soon.  Tomorrow I go back in to meet with Dr. D.  They will do another ultrasound, more bloodwork, and possibly adjust my doses of medication.  It's kinda funny that I know I'll be having a "surgical procedure" next week, but I still don't know when.  I don't even know for sure when I'll know...makes planning for things the next couple of weeks rather difficult. 

I just hope my ovaries keep doing what they are supposed to do and don't go crazy.  They told me I should expect to feel pretty sore as the follicles grow.  I don't have any of that yet, so I guess I still have a bit to go.  I just can't wait for them to be able to make our babies!

Hoping for bigger follicles tomorrow!

Peace, Love and Spawning! 

MK



And we're off....

To the races that is...

I want to start by saying thank you so much for all the prayers and support.  It is really touching when so many people tell you they're thinking about, praying, and wishing you good luck. My phone kept lighting up at a training session today and my table-mates thought I was really popular...or as shallow as the middle schoolers they work with...hehe! 

I had some bloodwork done and a follicular ultrasound today.  I was pretty nervous/anxious so it was a long day.  Pat, my fearless leader through this forsaken journey, was the only one in the office today.  It's nice to think there aren't tons of us fertility-challenged hooligans running around so they can devote enough time to us.

Pat was having a good day because it only took her one attempt to hit a vein.  Her record is 9 attempts my first time having my blood drawn by her.  She told me she's nervous about Monday because she doesn't want to keep using the same vein.  It's starting to scar where they've used my one "good" vein over and over.  It kinda makes me feel like an IV drug user...my veins are going bad...ahhh!  As long as they don't have to go between my toes, they can stick me however many times they need!  

Besides the normal estrogen level (E2) they usually take, they did another CBC to check for anemia as well as some other stuff.  All the prenatals and beef I've had over the last couple of months have paid off, apparently.  My levels were all good!  And all the crack I've been smoking is completely out of my system (I'm joking, again).

My follicular ultrasound was the nerve-wracking event for the day.  I was hoping for nice smooth ovaries, but it was not so.  I have 10+ follicles on my right ovary and 12+ on my left.  They were all measuring small (under 10 mm).  I was a little freaked out, but Pat was very excited.  She even jumped up and down a little which, under the circumstances, was a little rough for me as it was an internal ultrasound.  God, love her.  Anyway, I learned it is good, actually great, to have follicles this early. So yeah for small miracles!

I'm well on my way to 20 eggs, which is what Dr. D is expecting from me b/c I'm so young and vibrant. I'm hoping that this also means it won't take as long to get to the egg retrieval which would be fantastic because it's just that much sooner until we know what we've got.  And I'm sure my boss wants me to get this the heck over with so I'll be back to my awesome self.  (As if I'll be a pleasant, happy-go-lucky, pregnant lady...Well, who am I to squelch his dreams?)  So here's hoping for a quick and productive cycle! Cheers!

All this means that BJ and I start our Z-packs tonight.  This will clear up any VD that BJ has...I'm kidding.  It's just a preventative measure to make sure we don't get sick or clear up any sub-acute infections that we may already have.  It's good timing too, because I'm starting to get that East Tennessee sinus thing going on.  Plus all my little germy children come back to school in a week so I've got that covered, too.  I almost think a Z-pack should come standard to all school employees with school restarting. It could work kinda like the iodine pills they give people who live near nuclear plants...

Any-some-how, tomorrow I begin my Follistim injections and my Menopur.  7:00 am and 7:00 pm, so I'll definitely have some interrupted social time...sigh...or I could do it at work, but I think that would be a little more awkward having to keep my Follistim in the staff refrigerator...But in perfect MK fashion I have a cute little case in which to keep all my medical supplies! I just can't help myself...

Again, thanks for the so many well-wishes!  I really do appreciate them and I'm very blessed to have so many supporters in my life.  Love you all!  I'm going to go practice injecting something into BJ...bwahaha! (I want him to feel included, afterall.)

Your's truly,

Mary Katherine

Christmas in July!

And apparently I was naughty. :P  I still have a hard time not getting excited when I get a package, and today a very special one was delivered. Oh, my...

(All my meds for my IVF cycle!)

I am doing a Ganirelix protocol, so I'll stop taking Lo Loestrin (the pill) on 8/1 and then I'll just have to stick to my prenatal and baby aspirin for a few days.  I don't have any reason to suspect that I have a clotting disorder which is what the baby aspirin is about.  I think Dr. D figures, however, that if you are spending mega-bucks on an IVF cycle, let's not have something bad happen that a $5.00 bottle of medicine could have prevented.

Once I get the all clear from my baseline scan, BJ and I will both begin a Z-pack.  Occasionally an infertile couple will have some underlying infection that has created a problem with conception.  The antibiotic will knock that out.

Starting 8/5 I have Follistim and Menopur which are both Sub-Q injections that will go in my tummy. They will help me lay lots of eggs...we're shooting for 20!  I'll use one in the morning and the other in the evening.  I can't wait for the first time I have to excuse myself from company so I can go shoot up. "Excuse me I gotta go shoot some stim."  I would have never made a cool drug addict...

Depending on my response, about midway through my stimulation meds I'll start the Ganirelix.  This medicine prevents an early surge of luteinizing hormone which is the hormone that makes you ovulate. It is yet another sub-q injection so I'll be up to three a day!  Yippy!

The IVF coordinator and Dr. D will tell me when to trigger with my Lupron injections.  It's a series of two sub-q injections that have to be given EXACTLY 36 hours before my egg retrieval.  It's typically used to treat prostate cancer in men.  So kinda strange, but they have found it helps prevent OHSS during controlled ovarian hyperstimulations...anway, it will ripen my eggs so they are ready to become babies and halt the progression of my prostate cancer.  Two-for-one!

On the evening of my egg retrieval, I will start taking my progesterone in oil (PIO) injections which have to go in my hip, and are pretty nasty because the oil is so thick.  I'll also start wearing Vivelle patches which are estrogen supplements. (I'm not sure at this point, if I'm getting ready for gender-reassignment surgery, or pregnancy.) Those drugs are supposed to beef up my lining so that it is the consistency of peanut butter by the time I get to my transfer.  After my transfer, I'll take start taking Endometrin and Prometrium to help with my progesterone deficiency.  I'll stay on the last two until I have a negative pregnancy test (boo) or until my regular OB/GYN says I don't need it anymore at the end of my first trimester (PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!).

So let's compare:

BJ's Meds (yes, those are gummy vitamins)

My 60+ needles...

Clearly, fertility treatments are sexist...

Peace, Love and Spawning