Well, 2018 has come and gone in a whirlwind of change for our family, and it's been pretty amazing!
I can't believe our little miracle is about to turn THREE!
In my naivety, I assumed that three year-olds, while not being completely ready for prime-time, were somewhat functional. I thought 2 year-olds were supposed to be terrible, which for our case, was not true. Matt is absolutely adorable, good-natured 98% of the time, and completely unreliable. Perhaps it was the years of infertility and all that time devoted to figuring out what protocols and treatment options we had that by the time I spawned, I was too burned out on reading about how to get and stay pregnant to keep up with "What to Expect when You Have an Actual Spawn..." Anyway, I have distinct memories from when I was three. I was potty-trained, I participated in extracurricular activities independently, slept in my own bed without restraints, and I'm pretty sure I was fluent in English.
Matt, who, to be fair has 7 days left as a two year-old, is still completely incontinent. Speaks fluent swedish Chef and some English. Enunciation is improving, but it's still kinda like trying to solve Wheel of Fortune puzzles after only 4 letters. Which, would be worrisome if there was a pattern to what he could and couldn't pronounce, but there isn't. He can say all the letters, in no particular order, mind you, but if a word requires more than two consonants to be articulated he will randomly select two of his choice. For example, "Doma" is what you and I would call a "donut", yet he can say "P-Nutter" for peanut butter.
He still sleeps in a crib because he has not offered to climb out, and when given the chance to sleep in a bed, he gets up multiple times a night to run around, climb in different people's beds, chatter, laugh, and play with his toys. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends staying in a crib until age 3 as long as they aren't going to injure themselves climbing out, and since Matt has not offered to climb out of his crib since I dropped it to the lowest setting the first time I saw him hike a leg up around 1 year of age (BWAHAHAHAHA), we've been able to follow that suggestion. I'm not, however, encouraged to graduate him to a bed anytime soon, especially after his week with his grandparents where he has an adorable toddler bed that he's accidentally slept an hour in once.
As far as potty-training...BWAHAHAHAHA. My husband and I have carefully discussed this and we are down to 3 options at this point.
1. Shaming
2. Beatings
3. Prophylactic colostomy and catheter with leg bag
He wants to wear a diaper. He asks for a diaper when we put training pants on him. While he sits on the potty for his sitter, at home it's like trying to put a feral cat in a bathtub full of water. He has enough control of bladder that he waits until he is in the tub or has a diaper on to relieve himself. He does discuss poop or "poopt" (see...2 consonants whether you need them or not). Everybody poops, just like the book, and it's a great conversation. We love to point out all of the people that have "poopt"...Mommy "poopt", Dada "poopt", Gaga "poopt", Emma "poopt", Grammy "poopt"...endless possibilities to the number of people and things that have poopt. He's told us a couple of times that he "poopt" and was then compliant during a diaper change. Other times, he's told us that his Uncle Marvin the Goldendoodle "poopt" in his diaper, which I have difficulty believing.
Shades of the mythic threenager are starting to become apparent. Where he used to not care what kind of cup/character juice container he had, suddenly these things are very important. I had no idea a blue cup when you wanted a green cup could ruin your life...like for forever...Sheesh...and then he doesn't seem to appreciate it when I laugh. Apparently I'm not "honoring his feelings", but they don't deserve to be honored, so I'm okay with it. I also throw away participation awards. This is why I'm not winning any mother of the year awards.
He also has all these mystery injuries all the time that "hurts" and need kisses. Like he can be sitting next to you and then his hand just spontaneously becomes injured and needs to be kissed. You think,
"Awe, how awesome it is that I can kiss my own son's hurts away." Except, I'm not entirely convinced he would not ask a herpetic, street walker to kiss an injury with just as much enthusiasm. Sometimes you have hurts that you didn't know about that need to be kissed, and he performs his magic healing kisses. And you think, 'Wow, what a sweet, wonderful boy I have. I am so blessed.' Two minutes later he body slams your spleen and you think...'So blessed...where did I leave the Tylenol?'
He's generally a happy kid who is super into Mon-ser Truhs, Di-saurs, Vol-kay-NOs, Or-Nay-dos, Aush-o-nauts, Rocket-Ships, Trains, Caws, Heli-cotters, Soup-man, Batman, PiderMan, Hulk, and sometimes Elmo. He's still a very high efficiency model of a toddler that can go for up to 48 hours on 4 hours of sleep and a couple of cups of Instant Carnation Breakfast from what we can tell.
Peace, Love, and dreams of continence,
Mary Katherine
Matt Facts:
Height: Not very
Weight: 29ish lbs
Relationship Status: Single
Employment: Unemployed, Not in school
Fave Food: "Soup-man Jew" or Superman Juice for those who don't speak Matthewese. AKA Instant Carnation Breakfast Shake
Fave Drink: "Soup-man Jew"
Fave Animal: Di-soars, mo-kees, key-cats, Emma
Fave Hobby: Dumping out boxes of things onto the floor, like hot wheels cars, blocks, legos, the more painful to step on and the the louder they are when you spill them out and the further they spill, the better.
Fave Show: Alien Monkey, Carl's Carwash, Super Wings & Cam and Leon... They're all medium bad.
Fave Book: The Pea That was Me and Tractor Book
Fave Song: Baby Shark
Fave Activity: Seat drops EXCEPT when at gymnastics class when it suddenly becomes a completely foreign concept even though it would be perfectly appropriate.
Future Career: Well, "aush-o-naut" is looking like a viable option with the diaper situation :)...he did say something about being a "docker". He did get invited to an ACT prep course last year, so maybe I'll let him go to the MCAT prep course before he starts kindergarten just in case...
I can't believe our little miracle is about to turn THREE!
In my naivety, I assumed that three year-olds, while not being completely ready for prime-time, were somewhat functional. I thought 2 year-olds were supposed to be terrible, which for our case, was not true. Matt is absolutely adorable, good-natured 98% of the time, and completely unreliable. Perhaps it was the years of infertility and all that time devoted to figuring out what protocols and treatment options we had that by the time I spawned, I was too burned out on reading about how to get and stay pregnant to keep up with "What to Expect when You Have an Actual Spawn..." Anyway, I have distinct memories from when I was three. I was potty-trained, I participated in extracurricular activities independently, slept in my own bed without restraints, and I'm pretty sure I was fluent in English.
Matt, who, to be fair has 7 days left as a two year-old, is still completely incontinent. Speaks fluent swedish Chef and some English. Enunciation is improving, but it's still kinda like trying to solve Wheel of Fortune puzzles after only 4 letters. Which, would be worrisome if there was a pattern to what he could and couldn't pronounce, but there isn't. He can say all the letters, in no particular order, mind you, but if a word requires more than two consonants to be articulated he will randomly select two of his choice. For example, "Doma" is what you and I would call a "donut", yet he can say "P-Nutter" for peanut butter.
He still sleeps in a crib because he has not offered to climb out, and when given the chance to sleep in a bed, he gets up multiple times a night to run around, climb in different people's beds, chatter, laugh, and play with his toys. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends staying in a crib until age 3 as long as they aren't going to injure themselves climbing out, and since Matt has not offered to climb out of his crib since I dropped it to the lowest setting the first time I saw him hike a leg up around 1 year of age (BWAHAHAHAHA), we've been able to follow that suggestion. I'm not, however, encouraged to graduate him to a bed anytime soon, especially after his week with his grandparents where he has an adorable toddler bed that he's accidentally slept an hour in once.
As far as potty-training...BWAHAHAHAHA. My husband and I have carefully discussed this and we are down to 3 options at this point.
1. Shaming
2. Beatings
3. Prophylactic colostomy and catheter with leg bag
He wants to wear a diaper. He asks for a diaper when we put training pants on him. While he sits on the potty for his sitter, at home it's like trying to put a feral cat in a bathtub full of water. He has enough control of bladder that he waits until he is in the tub or has a diaper on to relieve himself. He does discuss poop or "poopt" (see...2 consonants whether you need them or not). Everybody poops, just like the book, and it's a great conversation. We love to point out all of the people that have "poopt"...Mommy "poopt", Dada "poopt", Gaga "poopt", Emma "poopt", Grammy "poopt"...endless possibilities to the number of people and things that have poopt. He's told us a couple of times that he "poopt" and was then compliant during a diaper change. Other times, he's told us that his Uncle Marvin the Goldendoodle "poopt" in his diaper, which I have difficulty believing.
Shades of the mythic threenager are starting to become apparent. Where he used to not care what kind of cup/character juice container he had, suddenly these things are very important. I had no idea a blue cup when you wanted a green cup could ruin your life...like for forever...Sheesh...and then he doesn't seem to appreciate it when I laugh. Apparently I'm not "honoring his feelings", but they don't deserve to be honored, so I'm okay with it. I also throw away participation awards. This is why I'm not winning any mother of the year awards.
He also has all these mystery injuries all the time that "hurts" and need kisses. Like he can be sitting next to you and then his hand just spontaneously becomes injured and needs to be kissed. You think,
"Awe, how awesome it is that I can kiss my own son's hurts away." Except, I'm not entirely convinced he would not ask a herpetic, street walker to kiss an injury with just as much enthusiasm. Sometimes you have hurts that you didn't know about that need to be kissed, and he performs his magic healing kisses. And you think, 'Wow, what a sweet, wonderful boy I have. I am so blessed.' Two minutes later he body slams your spleen and you think...'So blessed...where did I leave the Tylenol?'
He's generally a happy kid who is super into Mon-ser Truhs, Di-saurs, Vol-kay-NOs, Or-Nay-dos, Aush-o-nauts, Rocket-Ships, Trains, Caws, Heli-cotters, Soup-man, Batman, PiderMan, Hulk, and sometimes Elmo. He's still a very high efficiency model of a toddler that can go for up to 48 hours on 4 hours of sleep and a couple of cups of Instant Carnation Breakfast from what we can tell.
Peace, Love, and dreams of continence,
Mary Katherine
Matt Facts:
Height: Not very
Weight: 29ish lbs
Relationship Status: Single
Employment: Unemployed, Not in school
Fave Food: "Soup-man Jew" or Superman Juice for those who don't speak Matthewese. AKA Instant Carnation Breakfast Shake
Fave Drink: "Soup-man Jew"
Fave Animal: Di-soars, mo-kees, key-cats, Emma
Fave Hobby: Dumping out boxes of things onto the floor, like hot wheels cars, blocks, legos, the more painful to step on and the the louder they are when you spill them out and the further they spill, the better.
Fave Book: The Pea That was Me and Tractor Book
Fave Song: Baby Shark
Fave Activity: Seat drops EXCEPT when at gymnastics class when it suddenly becomes a completely foreign concept even though it would be perfectly appropriate.
Future Career: Well, "aush-o-naut" is looking like a viable option with the diaper situation :)...he did say something about being a "docker". He did get invited to an ACT prep course last year, so maybe I'll let him go to the MCAT prep course before he starts kindergarten just in case...
