Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Belated Birthday Post

For 5 and a half years, this was my life.  More than the hurtful comments, the unhelpful suggestions, the pregnancy announcements from people who either weren't trying or tried for 2 seconds, the pregnancy announcements from same-age peers for their 2nd and 3rd babies, nothing can touch the feeling of failing your husband.

Even when male factor infertility is the issue, you as the woman cannot carry that baby.  You cannot bear your spouse's child.  It leaves you feeling empty, sad, and worthless. You are barren. It feels as sad and lonely as that word sounds.  It feels like failing, even when your husband doesn't see it that way.  You feel like you are failing at being a woman.

I would pretend to not notice BJ playing with our friend's kids while at the same time taking in every moment. Letting it sear itself into my soul.  I would tell myself this was why we needed to keep trying because he was just so wonderful with children.  So patient, kind, appropriately fun at whatever age he was thrown and just plain good.  He is the kind of guy you would meet for 5 minutes and not hesitate to leave your kid playing with him at the party while you went and fetched some food or something to drink.  It's just so easy for him.

Unlike me, I just felt so awkward.  I had no baby experience. When I held other people's babies I felt like I was being stared at, or worse, pitied.

Fast forward to this miracle:

I'll be honest, as amazing as BJ was with other people's children, I had no idea how it would translate into fatherhood.  He by far has exceeded all expectations, and he's got it harder than a lot of working dad's.  He works all day, and then comes home to be a single father when I work night shift.  When I work day shift he has to single dad it again, and get Matt ready himself, drops him off, and pick the kid up to be single dad for a few more hours until I get home.

And that's just what he has to do...  He continues to astonish me with just what a wonderful father he's become. His attention to Matt, his ability to soothe him leaves me jealous at times.  I love listening to BJ read to Matt. I love the baby giggles BJ generates.  He goes above and beyond for this kiddo.  He doesn't just love Matthew, he cherishes him.  And Matt's eyes light up when he comes home, and it melts my heart every.single.time.

BJ, Happy Birthday.  This kid loves you to the moon and back, and so does your wife.  I didn't think it would be possible to love you any more than I already did, but I do.  You are an outstanding father and a better husband than I deserve.  I hope your birthday was as happy as Matt is to see you.

Peace, Love, and Baby Daddies,

Mary Katherine. 

Friday, September 23, 2016

8 Months & Killing It!

Matt-moo, the miracle man is 8 months old now.  It is crazy how fast it has gone, and crazy how much more excitement there is to come!  BJ and I are still enamored with everything his little self does.  He seems to be turning into quite a playful little thing.  He seems to think he's 8 months going on 18.  He's pretty sure he should be doing whatever we are doing.  Whether that's drinking wine, eating the remote control, operating an iPad, or studying with a laptop for an online pharmacology  or community banking exam, he will attempt to duplicate your actions. I'm sad his parents are so boring, lol.

Grampa teaching Matt the lyrics to Rocky Top. 
He's had another healthy month.  No shots or exams or anything too exciting.  Well, he did have a 2nd flu shot, and he handled it like a champ.  He was more mad that he was being held down than anything.

His Grammy did say, that he's the worst diaper-change of all the babies she has ever cared for (which has been a few more than just Brother Matt and myself).  It truly is a wrestling match.  You put him on his back and he gets a message to turn over and crawl away, NOW.  He doesn't care if his full of poo diaper is halfway hanging off, he must exit the situation immediately.  We try laying toys, diapers, wipes, oversized coffee table books that weigh more than him (I'm kidding!) on his chest to distract him, and this has approximately a 17% success rate.  Mostly, I change his diapers with him standing as if he's about to get frisked and moderate success.

He is cruising pretty successfully now.  I hope he doesn't walk too soon, although, I don't really know what difference it will make as he's already into EVERYTHING.  He has turbo crawl speed which I can hear him go into anywhere in our house. His little palms go slap-slap-slap against the hardwood.  The cats are not very excited about his new-found speed.  But it's also amazing because he'll be at your feet. You'll look at the TV b/c Brangelina divorce news and all the sudden he's in the kitchen with both hands in Emma's water bowl, which happens to be one of his favorite past times.  Oh, and he's not picky...he'll happily stick his hands in your drinks, too.  So basically he's a beverage ruining Ninja.  As I'm typing this, he's figured out how to stand up and scoot his Sit to Stand walker thing...I don't think he's going to be like his Mama and not walk until he's 15 months old.  You're welcome, Grampa. (My dad is still embarrassed for me because of how old I was when I started walking.)

Matt's other favorite activities include toe-sucking, chit-chatting, and yoga...Well downward dog position while making strawberry noises...

Matt Facts
Height:  2'3" give or take. He won't be measured again until his 9 month appointment
Weight:  Just under 17 lbs according to our scale. So about 14th percentile.
Toofers:  0 and holding
Fave Food:  Boob juice, Bananas, Arrowroot cookies, and She-Crab soup (I know...BAD MOM)
Fave Toy: The one in his hands.  He's pretty sweet about it, actually. Ok so sometimes it's the one in your hands...even though he has another one...
Fave Comfort Item:  Mama and Dada - Wubbanubs are kinda out at the moment.
Sounds: Mama, Dada, Bah-bah, la-la, nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh, ha, blub-blub, Ah, Deeb-ah-deeb. 
They don't have meaning to us, yet, but the nuh-nuh-nuh is his fussing word. So he associates meaning to some I think. 
Mad Baby Skills: Cruising, Speed Crawling, Climbing stairs, Pincher grasp, splashing, 
Future Career:  Yogi - Maybe a comedic one.