Monday, October 31, 2011

Trick or Treat!

Gaius says, "Trick or Treat!"

Today was my first monitoring appointment of cycle numero dos and the first one where my husband, the super-professional, could not be with me.  It was fine...there isn't much for him to do anyway accept compare my uterus to the DeathStar, which I for one have never found all that amusing.

Any-some-how I bravely had my blood drawn by the new tech since my favorite nurse in the world, Pat, recently broke her wrist a couple of weeks ago while running on a treadmill on her vacation.  (Turns out exercise is bad for you on vacation.)  They put a plate in so she'll be back in business by Wednesday, but I digress.  So in one (YES just 1) stick the tech got my blood.

My ultrasound went well.  My lining is already up to 5.1 (10 is the magic number) so that was right on track.  I have "too many follicles to count" on both ovaries and the biggest one is 9.1mm which is good for only having 3 full days of stims.  The first thing Dr. Donesky said when he started the ultrasound was, "This is a much better stimulation."  I asked him if maybe the Ganirelix protocol (what I used last time) wasn't fit for me. He said, "That's possible. People respond differently to different protocols and last time you had some [follicles] take off and leave the others behind."  I also asked him is we should expect things to go differently, and he said, "Yes.  Remember you've been on Parlodel for cell membrane stabilization and you're stimulating more evenly."  So right now, all my follicles are staying pretty even which is a great thing!  YAY, for something.  I've been dying for Dr. D to say anything like that for 2 months, and FINALLY there is something positive for him to say.  I may not have bad eggs after all!!!!

So my bloodwork came back...

E2 (Estradiol) - 175
P4 (Progesterone) 0.244
LH  0.998

Last cycle...
E2 - 435 which was a little high because some of the follicles got big a little fast...
P4 - 0.266
LH - 1.03

So I'm all excited, again.  Here goes nothing but hope!!!

Oh and belly update...
Boo!  I look kind of diseased...was not near as bad this early last time...but  I'm kinda proud of it!

Peace, Love and a little optimism,

Thursday, October 27, 2011


So in less than 12 hours IVF round 2 will officially commence with my first shot of stimulation medication (stims).


I'm excited, scared, worried and in a little bit of denial.  It feels a lot safer to just be talking about going through another cycle. To actually be starting a new cycle...yikes.  I've never really failed at something this badly, and I can't stand that I don't have any more control over it.  Lack of control is a scary place but it's where I have to live for the next four weeks. I have to keep reminding myself to just let go.  Just do my thing and go on about my life. I can do this and there is no reason to think it won't work.

Bring it on!

Peace, Love, and Being a little bit brave,

"There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope." Baruch Spinoza

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Merry Christmas!!!! (again)

I love packages...

Even ones that contain over 50 needles that I am to insert into my own flesh.
I start pushing the real stuff Friday so I'll be up from 1 needle a day to 3. Not really a big deal anymore, but just complicated.  Two of the three have to be refrigerated which is difficult when you are going out of town.  I'll be traveling with a cooler I guess.  Lots more pills this time...In the middle you can see all my supplements...L Carnitine, Royal Jelly, Juice Plus, Coenzyme Q10, Fish Oil and baby aspirin.

As always, I like to highlight how misogynistic fertility treatments are...
This is BJ's loot excluding the cat.  That is one of our other furbabies, Lucifer.  He's reminding me that it is his feeding time, and I've clearly overstayed my welcome in his kitchen without paying the kitty tax.

In case you were worried...Emma Grace is also on a protocol...
We are trying to treat a skin infection so she can have a gynecological procedure done.  It's looking like operation get Emma fixed before we go through IVF cycle 2 is going to be a bust.  Sneaky puppy...

So tomorrow BJ and I start our z-packs and Friday I'll take 225 units of Follistim in the belly at 7:00am and 150 of Menopur at 7:00 pm and 10 units of Lupron at 10:00pm. Woot! I still can't really believe I made it to this point again.  I'm really excited to be off to a better start.  Mind you, last time was not a bad start by any means, but this is over-achieving.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  I'm still worried about my egg quality, but I can only do what I can do, which is take my medication correctly, eat well, and be happy that I have this opportunity.

Peace, Love, and Band-Aids!

Just an "cycle buddies",which is infertile-speak for those undergoing treatments near the same time, are still not having a very strong showing.  The first person to have a positive pregnancy test ended up miscarrying within days.  I don't know why this is such a hard road for some people, but I'm proud to have met such wise, strong, kind and resilient young women.  If you don't care, please include them in your prayers.  THANKS!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Supression check - Check!

Today was the day, and a day it has been.

Firstly, because I'm not going to sit here and lie on my own blog, I want to tell you how Negative Nancy I've been.  I cried on the phone to my mother last night for a half hour because I just knew this cycle was not going to go well.  I keep having these flashes of my mother stepping off the plane to me, in tears, devastated and unable to compose sentences again.

This morning in the parking lot of the fertility clinic, I told BJ I didn't want to get out of the car.  I said, "Let's not and say we did."  BJ replied, "C'mon, let's go."  So I did...I do listen occasionally, but it's by free will.

Before you yell things like, "It's not going to work if you don't want it," and "Your thoughts are powerful." may I remind you of the fact that positive thinking only got us to round 2 of IVF with nothing but a huge dent in our bank accounts. Would you tell a cancer patient that if they relaxed and thought positively (maybe throw in a macrobiotic diet) they would get better?  That worked so well for Steve Jobs.  (Sorry if that's too soon for my geekier friends, I hate that he's gone too. Damn granolas and their holistic bs...)  Scientifically/philosophically speaking, things are gonna go how they go just like they went how they did in August.

I was ashamed that I felt so negatively last night.  Too ashamed to tell my husband.  But I did this morning, and he told me about the Stockdale Paradox.  This Stockdale guy is pretty amazing and describes my situation perfectly.  I'm not comparing myself to a POW, or a cancer patient, but please realize I do have a disease, and I am a patient. I think that is one of the most difficult things for breeders to understand when a friend suffers with infertility.

Relaxing, head-standing, adopting-to-induce-spontaneous-conception or any other natural method is pretty much giving the macrobiotic diet a whirl in lieu of chemotherapy and radiation.   I'm not sure this IVF cycle will work.  I want to have a baby more than anything in the world.  This is my paradox and if you take the link, you'll see it's not only rational to have these conflicting thoughts, it can save your sanity.  So I read it, and now I feel better.

So much so that I am willing to share my results.

Estrogen Level:  20.0    August Baseline 37.3  Desired results <50
So I'm over-achieving in this area, but I don't think how low necessarily makes a difference so long as it's below 50.  One website says the lower you are the better your response to YAY!

Progesterone Level:  .333  August Baseline .252   Desired results <1.5
Little higher than last time, but still nowhere close to 1.5, so I think it's all good.  We want this one to stay low until after the retrieval, and then I want it at 40 by 5dpt.

LH level:  2.86  August Baseline 4.16  Desired results <7
Better, it means my ovaries are "quieter" as the specialists like to call it.  They are more easilty taken hostage by stimulation medications.

Baseline Scan:  12-15 follicles on each ovary  August Baseline 5-7 on each  Desired results 10-12
Yeah buddy!  That's potentially a lot of eggs and I just need 1! 

So, yeah, I'm a little bit excited again.  I also know I'm gonna be alright no matter what.

Peace, Love and Last One of These,

Mary Katherine

Sunday, October 23, 2011


Well, tomorrow is the official start of the ensuing craziness.

I'm still waiting for the excitement...It's more anxious anticipation right now.

I don't know why I'm nervous.  Last time all my numbers were perfect.  I had an appropriate number of antral follicles and my estrogen (E2) levels were low, but in the end it did not matter.

On the other-hand, it's better than not even getting the chance.  It's just a lot scarier this time.  I feel like I'm trying to suck up enough air to last me for the next three weeks.

But I want to try.  I want this to work, and the only way to know is to take the next step.

Here we go.

Peace, Love and a Deep Breath,

You must do the things you think you cannot do.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Friday, October 21, 2011

Last bromocriptine!!!!!!

Yay, last one of those! Soon the real fun shall begin! Now it's time for my prolactin to rebound! (Hence, the bromocriptine rebound cycle.)

As I've mentioned before, I'm having a lot harder time being all gung ho about this cycle, and my acupuncturist even got on to me on the matter. I had been interpreting his Zen wisdom as he thought we should try naturally for a while longer. I asked him what he thought I should do if this cycle fails. He looked at me strangely and asked me why I was there.

Duh! I was there because I'm trying to make me better for a pregnancy now. Not next time, not a year from now, but now. It goes back to my control issues. I told my acupuncturist I had to have a plan B (technically, we would be on plan G) to help cope with a failure. He said, "Ok, plan B is for you to decide what to do after plan A,". Did I tell you I loved my acupuncturist?

I asked the same question to my husband the night before. (Like I said, I'm having my doubts...) Lately, I've been happy. Granted the door to parenthood is far from closed, but I haven't had time to think about it much because I've been so busy. It's taught me that I can be happy (at least when I'm crazy busy) despite all of this. I've enjoyed the last few weeks of fertility pressure-free bliss. I am truly as happy as I've been in a long while. I have a great husband who has a great job, a great job, myself, with three amazing co-workers, a great dog (well, we're working on it) and last, but far from least, some great friends. Oh, and cats...we have cats.

So happy, that I had an inkling of fear that maybe, if this doesn't work, we should think about the hideous word "child-free." So, as I said, I asked BJ what he thought we should do should this cycle fail. "Let's get through this cycle, first, and then ask Dr. Donesky, but I want to be a parent."

I do, too. So I've finished one prescription and ordered $4,200.00 more drugs. Monday morning, I have a suppression check to make sure my ovaries have shut down appropriately. They'll draw my blood for an Estrogen (E2) level, which we want to be under 50. We are looking for no cysts on the ultrasound and 16+ antral follicles. Antral follicles are our potential. They are where the eggs will mature. Starting with around 16 gives us a great chance at having an optimal number of eggs to work with (20ish).

If everything looks good, then round 2, here we come! I believe in Dr. Donesky, and I believe in our decision. I want this to be the ticket. I want this to work, please. I want to spawn!

In the meantime, please pray, meditate on, send vibes to my blogger role-model, Tamara. She's in the worst part of the process...the wait. Tamara, I'm thinking about you tons and can't wait to hear your good news!!!! Xoxo (Oh, and check out her's amazing!

Peace, love and rebounds,

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Random thoughts...

So everything is hunky-dory at Casa de Roberts on what has been a nice fall weekend, aside for another football loss, which we are unfortunately getting pretty used to in this part of the country...

BJ's getting psyched to start his new job. Unfortunately/Fortunately, his new job starts exactly when our IVF craziness gets hectic, but he met with his new boss this past week and found out he can take a couple of days off his first month working [SHEW!].  I have a great husband who has made a lot of sacrifices for me.  I think it took a lot of guts to meet with his new boss that he hasn't even started working for yet and tell him our "situation". Once again we've been blessed with employers who are as forgiving as they can be.

The only bummer about the timing of this cycle is my parents will be in Italy.  I'm so happy for them, and I hope they enjoy every minute of the trip.  It's just going to be different not being able to call my mother 2, 3, 4 times a day when things are scary, stressful, or just sad.  Sure, I have friends I could call, but who will listen to someone incomprehensibly sob into the phone for a half hour without telling you things will get better if things go poorly again? Who just listens to you lament without offering a fix?  Logistically, what do you do with a 6 month old 50lb frolicking puppy when you are on modified bed rest? I can do all these things, in fact I get paid to listen to other people suffer, but I've never been good at using my friends when I need them.  I truly hate being a burden.  I super hate for people to see me when I'm sick or incapacitated.  I just don't feel like myself and don't want to be seen.  So my options are to kennel my dear Emma, ask for help, or maybe both...AGH!

As for me, I'm trying to not be too preoccupied with this cycle.  I've had fun this weekend hanging with my husband, my mom, and a close friend.  It's been nice to just be "normal" despite running off to swallow a pill or shoot up occasionally.  I'm still trying to eat more organically, and a nazi about taking my drugs at the right time, but that is all I can and have to do.  It doesn't take up my whole day.

The Lupron has been pretty easy.  No side effects at all (told you I didn't believe in them...) The only issue is the needle.  These are super tiny insulin-sized syringes I'm using.  They don't hurt at all, except when the needle is blunt.  Then you have to go all kamikaze soldier on yourself.  I'm 2 and 2 on sharp and blunt, and visually they look exactly the same..ugh!...or maybe my skin is that tough (FINALLY)!

While I'm not spending hour upon hour on fertility message boards I am following a group going through their IVF cycle around the same time.  It's easier to be more concerned for them, to share my experiences with the 1st timers, and to have a specific group to pray for and know they are praying for me.  Again, this is a very isolating experience.  It's seems even more isolating after a failure.  I don't know a single person personally who has been through an IVF failure, so a little time on a message board where I can find a few helps.  Unfortunately, thus far we've started this cycle with more consoling than celebrating.  If you would not mind, please throw in an extra prayer for all of us who are suffering through infertility.  Thanks!

Peace, Love, and a Prayer or Two,

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Challenge Question

So, again, my life guru/acupuncturist (who is amazing)...posed a difficult question for me to work on.

Why do I want to be a mother?

The first thing I see in my mind is a little girl with blonde hair holding my hand with her dimply one in a super cute outfit. Having a mini-me is extremely selfish, but it is a I said that's just the first vision that pops in my head...

For one thing, what BJ and I have is pretty damn special.  I love him more than I could ever express in words. I want him to be the father he wants to be.  He is truly my soul-mate, and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without him as my other half.  It's cliche, but he brings the best out in me.  I'm happier, nicer (believe it or not), and totally love the life I have with him. Two surgeries later, and the first thing I do when I see him as I wake up from anesthesia is smile.  Ask my mom and she'd be the first to tell ya that's not my typical reaction [Mom if you respond to this post with any surgery stories I will put an order of protection out against you and you can just forget seeing Emma Grace!]...that is really something special I got right there! So, summarize all that to say that we would be thrilled to bring another soul into this happy, a bit crazy, but pretty amazing life.  We feel confident we could guide them into being productive, compassionate adults like their parents and grandparents.  We believe our child could make the world a little better.

My parents did a pretty amazing job with me in my opinion.  I've been given an amazing number of opportunities that have enriched my life and made me a the person I am today.  I want my parents to see all of that summed up in their progeny.  I want my parents to be grandparents...They will be perfectly terrible in all the ways you secretly want grandparents to be...You know the limitless sugar, soda and send them home routine, teaching your child about Chuck E. Cheese's and leaving the parents to take them while they enjoy a peaceful evening laughing at the suckers their turned out to be, teaching them stuff that is absolutely historically inaccurate and your child dogmatically believing it. (Daddy, you let me believe we won the War of Northern Aggression until I was 8!..and then I cried!) So yeah, my parents deserve to be grandparents, they'll be pretty awesome.

There is nothing more precious than unconditional love.  To just love something for absolutely no other reason than to just love it, I think that, and not the hokey pokey, is what it's all about.  I already unconditionally love my family, my husband, and definitely all of our pets.  I think if you can love a cat unconditionally, you can love anything, and every once in a while a head butt and a purr lets you know that they feel it, too...until they remember you're the bane of their existence, again.  I want to provide another soul with the opportunity to be unconditionally loved.  I want to teach them compassion for other souls including cats and the people with cat-like souls that deserve it the least, but require it the most.

This whole quest is selfish.  In the big picture, it doesn't matter.  God does not love me any less or any more whether I have children or not.  It's not about me.  Everyone who reads this blog will go on about their lives and strive to be happy whether or not I have children along with everyone else in the world.  The best and most important thing I can do is go about mine.  I shall continue to be happy for others in their successes and grieve with them in their losses.

Peace, Love & Namaste,
Mary Katherine

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

1st Shot

So here is a before shot...
No needles yet!
I'll have at least 30 days of shots which is up from 10 days worth last time.  I'll have a similar amount of stimulation medication. Someone asked me how much my meds were...I'm not sure you want to know.  I'm not sure I want to know.  My insurance, which is better than most typical Tennesseans won't cover anything that could induce a pregnancy.  That has meant that everything from the Clomid back in March, to the Follistim, Menopur, Ganirelix, has been out of pocket, and it ain't cheap. So list of needs:

Baby Aspirin
Prenatal Vitamins which of course are not on my insurance's preferred list.
Ganirelix (I'm not sure about this since it is a different protocol...this may be a generic list...will have to see what they prescribe next week.)
Progesterone in Oil

Loading the syringe...
Shootin' up

I really don't know a whole lot about the Lupron protocol.  I only took two tiny doses of it back in August.  I know they use it to induce medical menopause.  Coupled with the Yaz, they are trying to shut my ovaries down further this time.  I think the idea is so that they have a better chance to sort out the good eggs from the bad.  Did you know that in your 20's only 30% of your eggs are any good?  So we are looking for one good one...maybe 2.  (BJ is really hoping for twins...I'm into getting pregnant and que sera sera about the number).  Any-some-how I guess I'm looking forward to hot flashes.  I try not to spend too much time looking at potential strange side effects because it's my general constitution to not believe in side effects...or hangovers...

Another thing that sucks about infertility...besides the whole not being able to spawn at will issue, is that I've had menopausal symptoms twice now...going for a third. (This is not a side effect, it is THE effect they want...) The stims are kinda like going through puberty...sore boobs, rapid weight gain.  So I get to deal with menopausal previews and puberty flashbacks multiple times in my life all in the hopes of one day becoming a woman.  It's not that bad...and will hopefully totally be worth it.

All-in-all I must say I'm getting excited again.  I did read another blog where the lady had similar problems to me and they used the long-Lupron protocol and ended up with a beautiful baby boy.  Anything is possible and so much is just left to chance and divine intervention.  With unexplained infertility nothing in the past may have any bearing on the future.

So here's to round 2! Shots of lupron on me...

Peace, love, and not sharing needles,


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

It's Real

So today, I got my calendar of events and list of medications...
Color coded to associate pain levels:  blue - no pain, yellow- minor pain, red-sometimes requires anesthesia.
 I'm kidding, but it does kinda work like that unfortunately.

It really is time to start this adventure again.  Six weeks ago, I would have never thought I could make it to now.  Now, I'm a bit gun shy to say it best.  There are no guarantees in life, and this is one of those moments that I really wish there was at least a money-back guarantee.  Seriously, though, here we are.

I'm forever grateful that I have the opportunity to do this again.  One way or another, it means we are that much closer to fulfilling a dream.  Whether it means learning even more about what my body can and can't do, or leads to our very own baby or two, for BJ and I, it's another answer to some difficult questions regarding how we get to point B for baby.

Included with my calendar is a list of medications, and they've certainly upped the ante this time.  Most of them are the same, but the dosage has increased.  I'm trying to figure out the best time to take some of them.  The lupron has to be refrigerated, which makes it a little more complicated.  They want me to take it in the evening, and I'm thinking around the same time I take the bromocriptine.

So starting tomorrow my schedule will go something like this...

Wake up - Royal Jelly, Go Pee
Go to Work - Bottle of Water
Get to work -  Go Pee
At work - Breakfast of Oatmeal w/Flax, baby aspirin, Juice+, Coenzyme Q10, Fish Oil, lots of water
Mid-Morning- Go Pee, Prenatal Vitamin with lots of water.
Lunch - Pee, eat, drink lots of water and then go pee again.
20 minutes after lunch - Pee
20 minutes later- Probably peeing again but also drinking water
Stop on way home from work to pee.
Get home - pee
Start making dinner, then have to pee.
Dinner - with lots of water and Juice+ and L-Carnitine
After dinner - peeing a lot and finishing up my minimum 64oz daily water quota...
9:00 pm Yaz with lots of water...
Bedtime - Pee, then 20 units of Lupron, bromocriptine and Royal Jelly
About 45 minutes after bedtime, get up to pee.
1:00am - peeing
4:00am - probably peeing again
6:15am - Pee and start over.

As you can tell, it's a pretty pissy schedule...(I made a funny!) In a couple of weeks, I'll trade the Yaz for Follistim and Menopur injections in the am and pm respectively.

At least I have something to do, right?

Peace, Love and Going Number 1,

"There is no comparison between that which is lost by not succeeding and that which is lost by not trying."
~Francis Bacon

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Ask and you shall receive...

at least some things.

Yeah, so my period finally started last Thursday so I made the call to my IVF Nurse Coordinator, Jan, took 800mg of ibuprofen and went about my day with increasing doses of ibuprofen every four hours.  The next day I received 3 phone calls back to back from Jan.

My period came too late, and as we hypothesized, I ovulate too late to wait to start my Lupron.  After a few phone calls to Dr. Donesky, his partner, and Jan, they agreed that I'll start on birth control pills.  This is a good thing because it may very well save me from the cyst draining procedure that does not require anesthesia.  Wednesday, as in 3 days from now, I'll start Lupron shots.  As the name long Lupron protocol suggests, I'll be on shots for a long time through November.  

I'm not gonna lie, I am not excited about this like I was the first time.  I'm more resigned to it. I hate that I can't make myself "think positively", and it does make me feel guilty.  It's just really hard this time to get pumped up for it.  I'm afraid I don't have anything to look forward to in the short-term.  The long-term...well I'm just up for a pleasant surprise.  It's the natural pessimist in me...prepare for the worst and be elated that you don't need anything you've prepared for.  

It's not like I think there is no chance, it's just that I don't really know what my chances are.  I know Dr. Donesky thinks it's totally a possibility.  He doesn't want his success statistics to go down any more than I want to have another failure.  So no, I don't think he's taking advantage or stringing me along as some have questioned. He's second only to BJ in men trying to get me knocked up. (If there's anybody else in that line, I'd prefer to not know about it.  Thanks! :))  There is just a ton of unknown, and if you know me at all, you know the unknown is not a place I like to spend a lot of time.  

So instead, here's what I do know.  BJ and I've really jacked up our supplement intake this past month and are continuing to do so throughout this whole process.  In addition to a new protocol, I have the whole bromocriptine-rebound thing I'm still doing which research shows has promising results.  I wouldn't be doing this again if it wasn't worth it.  I know what to expect, and all-in-all, medically speaking, nothing is too bad.  I have BJ, and he's still pretty damn amazing.

M:  Whatcha thinking now?
B:  I'm still nervous, why?  Are you interviewing me?

M: Mmm-hmm.  Do you wanna try again?
B: Mmm-hmm.

M:  What's our theme this time?
B:  "The Good Life"?

M: I think it's perfect.  I myself am trying to listen to "Jesus Take the Wheel"
B: Why?

M:  Simply for the line, "I'ma let it go."
B:  Ah...

M:  Tell me about the book you've been reading.
B: Clash of the Kings?  Or are you talking about Plastic Cup?

M: Hmm..Well let's use deductive reasoning skills...I'm pretty sure people aren't checking my blog to hear...
B:...hear about George R.R. Martin's very epic Clash of the Kings.  Well it's more interesting than my sperm count.

M:  You wanna start a blog about it and compare readership?
B:...You're pretty mean.

M:  It made me laugh.
B: Mmm-hmm

M:  So, about the much more boring book...Did you like the title?
B: How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup...mmm-hmm.  I've not read a lot, but it is helpful.

M:  Well, I thought it was funny...I love you a lot.
B:  I love you.

M:  I do think this time will be easier.
B: We'll I'm sure you're an old-hand at injecting yourself with God knows what, and I'm an old-hand at cowering in the corner while you do it.  

M:  I'll let you try this time.
B:  I tried. I didn't do well.

M:  That was years ago.
B:  Well nothing has changed on how scared of needles I am.

M: We could make an acupuncture appointment for you?
B: No!

Poor thing...the human race would have gone extinct long ago if men were left to themselves...

Peace, Love, and HERE WE GO!

"The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - and never knowing."
~David Viscott

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


So more acupuncture, less fertility happenings...which is why I've not blogged so much because I hate to bore everyone.

Any-some-how, BJ and I are chugging along.  Good things are happening in some areas of our lives.  BJ is about to embark on a new adventure.  He has accepted a position at a small little university in town.  We are both ecstatic as this has been a 3 year job search.  Fortunately, (OK, extremely fortunately) BJ has been able to stay employed during this job search after an internship/possible career did not pan out back in November 2008.  Perhaps the tides are turning for us...

On the spawning front, the IVF coordinating nurse is patiently tapping her fingers waiting for me to call.  So yeah...I'm patiently waiting, too.  It's day 32 of this cycle and nothing seems to be happening.  I'm 99.9 sure a miracle conception did not occur, so I'm not rushing to pee on another $8.00 stick and be disappointed. It's not worth the $8.00.  I can't start shooting up for this cycle until after I start my period, so I'll continue to wait.

It's an improvement for me to not be panicking at this point.  The nurse telling me that this cycle is a go for us no matter the date it starts helps me not worry about that stuff too much.  And, they even have a December cycle if it doesn't, so it's not like I'll be waiting until January.  It's all good!

BJ and I, in the meantime, just keep trucking and taking our horse pills.  We are trying to eat more organically because they say that's good for his swimmers and my eggs.  Emma has even joined the cause...

Emma Grace has expensive taste as that is an  organic honeycrisp apple that she pilfered as I  was putting up groceries...Gotta love retrievers!

I guess that is all for now...

Peace, Love, and Apples,


"Adopt the pace of nature:  her secret is patience."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson