Well, the second semester of nursing school was anything but a breeze, and certainly left a lot of our class, including myself, emotional train wrecks. Our retention rate for my class is going to be below 85% after this semester. We lost several of our friends, as our professors decided to toughen up on us to improve our chances on the NCLEX.
I know what it's like to have a dream that doesn't come to fruition. I have been full of anguish and sadness for my fellow students that will not be able to continue in the program with us. They were my friends. But I do know, you can't sit still, you can't wallow, you have to move forward and you most certainly can't give up.
Honestly, as graduation looms, in the hopefully not too distant future. I have started to realize that our family building journey must resume at some point in the not too distant future, also. I'm gun shy. I have not missed the pain. I mean the physical pain really is nothing compared to the absolute mental torture that is relentless. To go back to months of emotional cycles of hope, uncertainty, grief, repeat...well, it's not much to look forward to enduring. I'm sure BJ is not exactly looking forward to it either, but, ultimately if we want children, what choice do we have?
The uncertainty is what fills me with the most fear. How long? What route should we go? What will our family look like in the end? I do not know these answers right now, and I will not know until after-the-fact. For a control-freak like me, that's very difficult.
All I know, is that I want nothing more than to have a child. So, I have to resume my battle despite my fears. For my friends, who will be great nurses one day if that is what they choose, you have to hold your head up and keep going. There will be a way, it just may not be clear. Stay open to opportunities. You can fulfill your dreams. You can.
"I have learned that faith means trusting in advanced what will only make sense in reverse."
Peace, Love, and Faith,