Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day Blues

Today was the first rough day I've had in a while. BJ and I are approaching the end of our second year trying to conceive which is kind of amazing in a bad way. Our chances of conceiving are essentially negative at this point...that's disregarding the multiple failed fertility treatments we've undertaken. If you factor that in, we have a better chance of winning the next mega million lottery, literally.

While we are here, let's look at some numbers...The numbers are up to 1 in 8 couples will struggle with infertility. That's about 125 out of 1000 women. If those 125 seek fertility treatments, 81 will have children. The vast majority (about 68) of those women will only have utilized drug therapy or corrective surgery (yes, I realize I just said only surgery, but that has been one of the easiest things I've been through on this journey). In fact, less than 3% of the 125, or about 3 women will undergo IVF. Of those three women, 2 will have a baby and one will be me, the .8%. What luck I have!

In the past 2 years, 97 babies have been born or are on their way to my friends and acquaintances. I know of about 6 miscarriages including my own. I wouldn't be suprised if there were quite a few more, but most people don't set their Facebook status to "Having a miscarriage, thanks for asking", so it's harder to know for sure. Ok so I've indirectly admitted to being a Facebook stalker, but I spent the first couple of months we were trying to conceive looking for a creative way to announce our happy news. Then the next 6 hoping, praying and thinking I'd be one of the next ones, and then I just kept counting because I could...because at some point I'd be sure to fall on the right side of the numbers game. I mean I've never been that special in other areas of my life, so why this?

I used to really like statistics, until I ended up on the wrong side of them. It's so hard for the greater majority of people to understand how truly awful this plight is. It's especially hard this holiday. I never planned for a life without children. I never expected to not be getting breakfast in bed, a piece of jewelry, or flowers yesterday. I never thought I'd want to kill the next person who tells me a story about how someone they knew "was told they couldn't have kids, but they had them anyway." That's not inspiring, that's statistically lowering my odds that much more.

Anyway, as a representative of the 3.4% of women to the 96.6% of people who will have children, I hope you can truly appreciate how blessed you are. Love that baby extra hard for us and remember that you have a miracle no matter how much you did or didn't struggle.

Peace, love, and remembering the babies that were too perfect for Earth,

1 comment:

  1. Love you! Was thinking of you, yesterday.