Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My Darling

Dearest BJ,

To quote one of your [my husband's] favorite songs that's from a band other than Dave Matthews...

"You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife, and you may ask yourself, 'How did I get here?'"  ~Talking Heads

Well, Once Upon a Time...

A small town girl met a small town boy, and she fell madly in love for the first time.  The small town boy seemed pretty smitten with her, himself.  He, who was the first in his family to get a college degree, had decided to move to a bigger city to pursue a masters.  Not willing to let the small town boy get away from her so easily, the small-town girl picked a masters program at the same university.  As fate would have it, they both were accepted, and they both moved to the "Big City" together.

They tackled graduate school together.  They thrived in the city despite living in an apartment where they nearly suffered heat stroke from the months of April to September.  The small town boy, who looked and looked for a job, finally found one despite it seeming like every break fell through.  He made excellent grades in graduate school and got engaged to the small town girl who landed her "dream job."  They moved into a beautiful apartment with working air conditioning within minutes of their jobs and life seemed just dandy...

...for two seconds...

The small town girl was laid off from her dream job.

Fortunately, she was able to pick up the pieces and find a new job relatively quickly, even though it was on the opposite end of town as their fab new apartment.  The two small town kids who were still madly in love with each other got married, got two quirky cats, and enjoyed the first few months of wedded bliss.  The small town boy even finished his thesis! ;)

Then the economy tanked and the small town boy was laid off.  He graduated with his masters while he looked for a job in the worst economy for journalists, ever.  He took the best job for them that he could find.  Even though it meant spending the second half of his newly-wed year having to live over an hour and a half away and move back in with his parents.  They kept their chins up, and both began looking for jobs that would get them back together. They listened and consoled each other over the phone when each of those opportunities seemed to fall through their fingers.  They met every Wednesday evening to have dinner together at a Ruby Tuesdays half way between them for six months and cherished every moment they had on the weekends with each other.

When the economy showed no signs of improving, the still very happily married small town kids decided to make the best of it and move to a house that put them each a little over 40 miles to their work and over 40 miles from their friends and family. They lived in an unfinished spec house with two kitchen drawers and having to use satellite internet (when there weren't any clouds in the sky, anyway).  They quickly decided that this was no place for them and they wanted to get back to their beloved "Big City".

The brave, darling, small town boy dedicated himself to searching for a job that would get them back into the city, even considering a career change.  A year went buy and the couple seemed no closer to their goal.  Knowing that waiting for everything to be perfect before starting a family was to be waiting forever they decided to go ahead with their family building plans with a "come what may" attitude.

May never came, and the very brave small town boy watched his small town girl crumble. He watched her writhe in pain, he watched her light fade, but he remained strong steady and madly in love with her.  He picked up every piece of her she lost and held onto them for her.  His courage and belief in her became the belief that kept them together.  And he even kept searching for a job and landed one that was far from perfect but would put them back in the City.

He committed to trying fertility treatments and house-buying with his broken small town girl.  Those treatments kept failing and his small town girl kept breaking.  But they were able to buy a beautiful house thanks to the sacrifice he made taking a job that was a step further away from his love of journalism than his previous.  But he did it for her.  He ensured that even when he was away, his vulnerable wife was surrounded by his friends so she never felt alone.  He continued to be her rock when she became blind to everything but the thing she couldn't seem to have.  He kept working on their future, and kept looking for better jobs.  She kept wasting away, but he held on to her.

He, after nearly 3 years, finally found a job that suited all of his many talents for the communication arts. To beat all, it was at the beloved university that originally brought them to this "Big City".  He did not begrudge his small town girl for her inability to really celebrate with him.  He knew that the weak smiles and short congratulatory remarks were all she could muster.  And he loved her very, very much, anyway.  He held steady when they were told all of their embryos were weak.  He celebrated cautiously with her when they got that faint positive.  He didn't let her see how he was already braced for bad news.  When it came, when they heard she was going to miscarry, he stayed with her. He held her until she had no more tears to cry.  He stayed so strong and brave.  He held on when she had let go.  When she was in too much pain to even see what she never lost, he was still there.  When the worst had come and gone and the dust settled, he was still there, still holding on.  When he picked her up off the rock bottom and enabled her to carry on a new path despite the sacrifices they would have to make, he showed her how truly, madly deeply he still loved her.

With his love she was able to regain a new vision.  A life where she could be happy if they never had any more than they had at that moment.  And when she opened her eyes to that, she realized how much they did have.  How much happiness she could have if she would just allow herself be happy, again.  She fell even more deeply in love with the courageous, chivalrous gentleman that her small town boy had become.

NOT the end...

I look at you, BJ, and I cannot thank God enough.  You are everything I need.  Your peace with life, your patience, your faith in us and our future completes me.  You soothe my impatience.  You help me believe.  You inspire me to keep going.  You've taught me that "my" practical is not always "real" practical. You tell me I'm beautiful, and I believe you.  You allowed me to dream again.  You and I together, we prove the existence of soulmates.  You taught me what true love is.

I write this, because, I want you to know how beautiful and brave you really are.  Truly the ONLY thing that has ever been easy for us, is our love.  And that is a gift that is greatest of all.

I wish you the happiest birthday.

Your Beautiful Wife

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you are the world.
~Heather Cortez


  1. Crying like a baby, but with the biggest smile on my face. This is beautiful, MK. Happy birthday, BJ! Love to you both.

  2. *sniff* You two are even an inspiration to old people!! We are so blessed to be a part of your circle of friends. We love you both. A lot.

  3. Hi there! thanks for posting. now i can follow you! i saw you left some questions. perhaps we can email about it?
    looking forward to hearing from you!