Monday, February 3, 2014

Something New Is Born

Well, at face value, this seems like another empty promise to an infertile.  And to some, it's one of the many reasons we recoil from churches that celebrate life, births, and throw every family-friendly pot-luck event in your face week after week.

I, on the other hand, don't see things quite so literally.  (I'm an Episcopalian after all.)  I've been pained, agonized, broken, yet I'm not who I was in 2010.  I'm the something new.

It takes a while...and I don't think you can rush the process, you simply have to go through it.  I'm happier because I've accepted childlessness as my default.  It's not necessarily what I want, but tough cookies.  I didn't want all those sweaters my grandmother knitted for me, either.  And guess what?  I wore them to school, anyway!

There comes a point in which you just have to accept the way things are.  Much like a victim of a crime cannot depend on the sentence of their perpetrator for their own healing, I cannot depend on having a child to make me better, happier, or content.

This is not to say I'm not unencumbered with moments of grief here or there, but they are simply moments that I accept and don't try to fight off.  I just know that all-in-all, I can exist happily with or without a child.  This person is someone I thought I was incapable of being in 2010.

Patience, while still not one of my finer, purer qualities, in other aspects of my life, I have embraced in this matter.  I may be the oldest mother in my future child's kindergarten class, or I may never be a mother at all.  Either way, I'll find a way to be happy, to enjoy life, and to continue to accept the blessings (especially, kittens, golden doodles, and/or margaritas) thrown my way.

Peace, Love and Acceptance,

Mary Katherine


  1. Love it. Great post, girl! Prayers and hope always. Xo

  2. Absolutely! Thank you for providing my morning meditation. I'm reasponsible for my own happiness and everything else is icing on the cake.