Thursday, August 20, 2015


I am 16 weeks pregnant...I don't believe it. I seriously feel like I'm faking my own pregnancy with no belly, feeling movement, or symptoms. But then I hear that sweet, sweet heartbeat, and I'm satisfied that everything is going okay.  And then hours later, I have no clue.

I had a 16 week appointment, another ultrasound, and a quad screen drawn. We entered the age of my egg donor and alerted the lab this was a baby conceived from egg donation.  I really had almost talked myself out of even having it done, but things change.  My confidence has been rocked in the last couple of weeks. Not because of anything happening to me, so much, but I have a sister in infertility who showed up for her anatomy scan expecting to see her beautiful baby boy and to finally see her baby's face only to hear the words "multiple anomalies" thrown at her.  I just can't...I can't even imagine the horror she is being put through.  It's a horrible, awful experience to go through infertility and miscarriage, but to have to deal with possible serious birth defects after finally getting your just seems all too cruel.  She, however, is a pillar of strength, and I hope she knows how much I admire her.  So if you have a spare moment of prayer, I'm sure she, her husband and her beautiful baby would appreciate it.

If you'd like to follow her story, her blog can be found here.

So pretty much, you go along feeling like everything is wonderful, but there is always that negative whisper saying "the shoe is about to drop at any time..."  So it's one thing to talk about genetic screening and a whole other thing to actually hold your arm out, feeling in even less control because this really isn't your genetics. I've pretty much felt sick all day. I should get my results next week, but I'm not sure I even want to know.

On the other side, my appointment went great.  Pico had an "excellent" heart rate. I'm pretty confident it was in the 140s, but they don't tell me these things, anymore.  I'm having to learn to be a "patient"...not an antepartum nurse, or a psycho infertility patient....*SIGH*

Dr. Bullen's medical assistant asked me when I was going to show, and I'm like 'you tell me!'  Dr. Bullen offers a gender scan to you at 16 weeks and then has the sonographer do some measurements on the baby's heart as well.  So we elected to skip the gender reveal.  We've had so little "good" surprises along this journey that BJ and I agree that this is something we can enjoy finding out the old school way when our doctor hands us our miracle.  So we saw a little more of Pico's face and he/she waved several times.  There were still only 5 fingers on that hand Pico showed us several times.  Pico cooperated a little bit better, but our sonographer was only able to check 3 out of 4 (I believe) views/checks of his/her heart.  All 3 were normal.  Pico got a little crazy at the end with the squirms.  Our sonographer reassured us she would check them again at our anatomy scan.  Which, by the way is not for 5 weeks.  I said f-i-v-e weeks...I'm seriously counting down the hours...I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it that long without having a mental breakdown.  I mean, let's be completely honest, I am, at the bottom of it all, a super-intense, 5-year infertility veteran, miscarriage survivor who is finally pregnant...first you take away my drugs, then my weekly appointments,...we don't do "5 weeks".  So anyway...I go back in 5 weeks...

I can't say the last week and half or so has been fun and giggles.  I've had a couple of infections including a GI bug that wiped me out over the weekend, and when I finally started feeling better, I sat down to email my mother and couldn't stand back up because of hip pain.  I am guessing it's sciatica, only because my foot goes numb when I drive.  But it feels like I've pulled the majority of the muscles that surround my hip.  I've had sciatic nerve stuff off and on since my last few years doing gymnastics, so I have no clue if it's even pregnancy-related, but it's never been this all-consuming.  I can't stretch it out, work it out, ice or heat it away, so it's almost more frustrating than it is painful. However, I'll take this any day, all day so long as my "normal-hearted" Pico stays healthy.

So at 16.1 weeks I am...

feeling hip pain, cramping more frequently and increased anxiety.
down -15 lbs on my scale still -13 on my doctor's scale, but considering I couldn't eat for over 48 hours a few days ago, I'm doing ok.
craving...nothing in particular, I'm happy with just eating, thanks!
averse to GI bugs...very, very averse...
in love with sleep...Sleep is being mean to me again...3:30-4:00 seems to be my witching hour and I'm up and at 'em and exhausted by 11:00 am. Such is life, and I have so very much to be thankful for!

Peace, Love, and Normal-hearted,

Mary Katherine

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