Monday, August 31, 2015

17.5...Baby, Maybe?!!!

So other than a little bit of normal aches and pains, Pico and I are just hanging out. I check for fetal heart tones randomly, if I have time at work, and he or she is staying strong in the 140 zone.  I LOVE that sound.  Truly music to my ears.

I have had a better week and half compared to the last.  Sciatica stuff is better, still there, but not a problem when I'm moving. I am very blessed to have this easy of a pregnancy considering how hard and long it took to get here.

As far as the bump watch, literally 3 nights ago, I was super achy in my lower abdomen and couldn't get comfortable on my side at all. I rolled over to my back, and there it was...a little bump.  It's like my normally soft belly hardened all of the sudden.  I love the idea of it being a baby, but I'm not so keen on the idea of just looking pudgier than normal.

My mom fussed at me because I don't like it when people tell pregnant women they "look pregnant." I just hear an insult.  Like the other day, everyone was commenting on my co-worker who is about 12 weeks ahead of me looking "really pregnant", "puffy", "swollen"....So tell me how that's a compliment?  I feel like you might as well say, "you look big and miserable..." I know I'm pregnant, cognitively, I'm not sure I've totally accepted it, but I don't need to hear that I "look pregnant" because I don't want to be told I'm puffy, swollen, bloated or fat...just sayin'... My mother says I'm being too hard on people.

It's a love/hate thing with the showing.  I can hide behind a computer and tell people I'm pregnant, but I feel like telling people I'm pregnant in person is damning the pregnancy.  Like the odds of something bad happening increase with everyone that knows.  It's just infertility patient ridiculousness, but it seems real to me.  I'm still very anxious, worried, scared, and concerned that each day is the day the shoe drops, and I lose Pico.

So anyway at 17.5 I am...

up 3 lbs for a net gain of maybe it's not a baby bump...*sigh*
craving...nothing I don't have access, too.  So it's not much fun...I still haven't had to make a food run for something I just HAD to have...but I'm enjoying raw cucumber, when it's available...
averse to sleeping on my side apparently... I end up either flat on my back or face-down with one knee hitched up by my side so I'm not totally compressing my belly, but even with a body pillow, I'm struggling with the side sleeping.
in love with the idea that this could be really happening!!!

Peace, Love, and Bumps,

Mary Katherine

1 comment:

  1. revel in your pudgy puffy bumpy body - it's a true gift.