Sunday, June 16, 2013

Parental Unit Celebration Days

I'm sad for BJ, who isn't really sad more today than any other day.  His bad days hit randomly when I write touching, honest blogs, or when he reads articles about parents losing children and the nurse that was kind to them.  But all-in-all, he's not really sad today because he is an optimist that envisions a future full of many Father's Days in which our babies will include some with slightly less fur.

I wasn't near as sad on Mother's Day 2 years ago when we were actually in the process of technologically-enhanced baby-making.  I was pretty sure I was curable.  I KNEW without a question of a doubt that IVF was going to work for us.  Simply because it had to if for no other reason. Alas, we know how that turned out...and so gave birth to the true pessimist that underneath it all is where I find my inner-peace.  Expect the worst, get better results, even if only slightly better, and come out of the situation elated because it could have been much worse.  It typically works for my mother, so in my wizened old-age I think I'm converting...  This sounds terrible, but sarcasm and optimism were never really a good match for me anyway.  I think all along I've been lying to myself that I'm an optimist.  BJ would probably whole-heartedly agree... It doesn't make me unhappier, it just makes me wiser, and removes ridiculous expectations I set for myself...which actually makes me happier.

These Parental Unit celebration days will continue to come and go, but our infertility is constant.  Somedays it's more on the forefront of BJ's or my mind than others, but it's always there. Gnawing.  So forgive me for being sad that I'm not able to celebrate a traditional Father's Day with my deserving husband.  It's hard to swallow that deserving means nothing in the land of infertility, but we both do, anyway.  Do we deserve a medal of honor for that? No.  A new gadget or tie? No...A hug? Definitely!

Anyway, I guess I'd just like to say Happy You Will Be Fathers One Day, Day to all the individuals who are living with involuntary childlessness.  And, of course, Happy Father's Day to all my friends who are fathers.  I'm so very fortunate that I'm surrounded by friends who know how blessed they are.  (Thanks for being shining examples to us!!!)

Peace, Love, and According to BJ There Will Be More Father's Days,

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