Er-mah-gerd!!! There is a baby dancing in my belly which is getting huge...of course I thought this at 20 weeks, and I'm sure I'll laugh at myself in 10 more weeks, too. Just in the last 2 weeks I've grown out of all my "junior fit" scrub tops...I don't mind at all.
People aren't at all scared to ask me when my due date is. Fortunately, I haven't been told I'm about to pop or any hostility like that, so that's nice. I catch myself doing this waddle thing, if I'm too relaxed or tired. I'm also really starting to struggle if I lean back too far or lay down...seriously...the struggle is real...
I managed to make it two weeks without listening for heart tones. It's easier when I can feel Pico move. I do get a little worried when things seem quiet, but like any human, we have hectic days and lazy days, and so does Pico. So one day ze will be dancing all day and night, and then the next I'm like, 'what happened?'. Usually just as I settle, ze squirms. But they were 142 last night...Still love that sound!
I have been amazed at how easy it is to just love this child as my very own. I hemmed and hawed at the thought of egg donation even more so than BJ ever did 3 years ago. I wondered if I would bond with a baby from egg donation, I wondered if I'd feel maternal to a baby I knew "wasn't mine". I wondered if I could love a baby that wasn't from my egg. It seems ridiculous now. I was scared to love Pico when I saw the picture of zym as a blastocyst, because I was scared ze would not stick around for long. But from the moment BJ and I heard "you're pregnant" I couldn't imagine loving Pico any less. I hope one day, Pico, you can understand how many people rooted for you, and love you, and how truly wanted you've always been. You are our miracle, and we love you very, very much.
The only thing I think about as far as the egg donor thing is what Pico will look like. From what little we've seen, Pico is as cute as a button, but it is odd thinking I have nothing to do with his or her appearance. It will be exciting, although I doubt in the first few moments after birth I'll be into anything but enjoying having Pico on the outside.
Some things are worth the wait, and you, Pico, have been worth every second, every tear, every anxiety attack, ever fear, and every moment of heartache up until your conception. And yes, that process may have gone differently for you, but it was out of so much love, and so special for us. We would not change a thing!
So, at 25.6 weeks, I am...
0 lbs heavier than the day of my transfer...
Feeling pretty good overall. Some achiness is creeping in, but it could be the colder weather just as much as pregnancy.
Craving Panera...specifically French Onion Soup...I think...I mean, I've wanted it for a week now, but I haven't had any yet...and I've survived, so does that count?
Averse to people with colds...stay away from me...so far I'm doing well, in that department, but I've woken up with a sore throat and throbbing ears, but it goes away relatively quickly.
In love with listening to music with Pico...who apparently likes Jason Mraz and the Beatles...Or really hates Jason Mraz and the Beatles...I'm not sure how to translate the kicking...
Peace, Love, and Miracles Any Way Can Get Them,