Monday, February 29, 2016

6 Weeks!

It's a pretty sweet life being Matt's Mama. 

He is starting to be a real charmer. Lots of smiles for Dada and me. In-between feeding sessions...

I can't tell you how often I feed him because around 7 or 8 pm it feels like he just breastfeeds straight for 3-4 or 5 hours. I feel like I must not be keeping up supply-wise in the evening for whatever reason. So I try pumping through the morning some and giving him a big bottle, but it doesn't help me start getting ahead. I've also tried to ride it out with him in the hopes it would increase my supply to meet his demand. I had weaned myself off of my nipple shield until I tried that *chortles*. Although I was seriously (momentarily) worried we were on our way to being that family on a TLC special bc our 6 month old weighs 75 lbs. 

On that he seems to be gaining pretty steadily. I'd say he's around 10lbs and some change. Today he officially used his last newborn-sized diaper, and I've retired all but 3 newborn-sized outfits...So clearly he's not that chunky.

He's my little enigma baby. I don't think he had or has colic but I do think he runs a bit intense in the temperament department. Matt will go from sweetly cooing to screaming with hunger in no time. I keep looking for hunger cues like smacking lips or chewing hands, but it's rare, especially in the evening, or he's doing it in his sleep, and I don't dare wake him up. Ah, the intensity, that's not his Daddy, that's for sure. 

I also have no clue if and when he wants a pacifier. I'm not even ashamed to say I'm clueless about what will soothe him when, because it's different every time. At first I of course blamed myself, but honestly it's him. I don't think Matt is still very sure on what he wants when. It's not so bad, though, because we have a 100% success rate so far on figuring something out. 

I do think I understand why infertile couples are prone to postpartum depression. I've had over 5 years to prepare, read books, learn from friends, etc. Not to mention the expectations are extremely high that since this is your miracle you will enjoy every second of it. You don't dare complain, or even reach out for help because this is what you wanted so badly. Nor would you be open to having a serious discussion about how hard the "4th trimester" is while you are relishing in your dream pregnancy. 

Matt is my miracle, but that doesn't mean I automatically know how to Mom or that Matt even knows how to do Matt. It's just part of our journey, and I'd do it a hundred times over. He's totally worth it. It may break my heart to hear him shriek, but I hope he learns that I'm doing my best in my own mom-bumbling way. I'll stay by his side no matter how many tries it takes to soothe him.

Anyway, I'm still so in love with my little Pico. He's better than I ever could have imagined. More intense and complicated as well, but definitely the best thing that's happened since I met BJ.

Peace, Love, and the most intense but precious baby on the block,

Mary Katherine

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