Saturday, July 16, 2011

And now for something completely different...

I've thought I would do something different and introduce you to my super-hero husband with an interview...and so you could get a male's perspective on this whole make-a-baby quest...

M: BJ, tell me about yourself.
B:  28 year-old, I am 28, right?

M: Yes, why don't you just brag about it...
B: I work in higher education.  I enjoy it.  I'd like to be a communications scholar, news junkie...

M: I'm bored.
B: I know, right?  I'm not that interesting.

M:  I am beginning to think this was a bad idea...So, what was your master plan for life?
B:  I wasn't sure I was going to get married.  I lived in a small town, and I had pretty much tapped out the dating pool.  Then, I met you and I wanted to get married, have a family, and have a career in journalism.

M:  Why'd you marry me?
B:  Cuz I love you.

M: Why?
B:  We just clicked.  You're beautiful, smart and funny.  We just work together...we fit.

M:  You're ok with going on the record saying I'm smart?
B:  I guess it's too late.

M:  You bet!  When did you want kids?
B:  At some point...I didn't have a timeline.

M:  Were you ok with my master plan? (Married for 2 years, then have kids)
B: Um, yeah.

M:  Well, moving on. Tell me when you started to worry about our lack success spawning.
B:  A lot later than you.  It probably wasn't until I had my semen analysis with Dr. D.

M:  Makes sense.  Did you think I was insane for worrying?
B: No, I thought you were impatient.

M:  Well, thanks.  I thought you were que sera, sera.  Why do you think it's so different for us?
B:  Because you [women] are programmed to breed and give birth.  For you, in particular, I think this is one of the few times you've had a problem and couldn't just get it fixed right away.

M:  Try the only...Why do you think some people wait so long to get help?
B:  I don't know.  It could be a number of things.  They don't want to know something is wrong.  Or, they just don't think they have to have kids right away.  Not everyone gets pregnant on the first try.

M:  Our mothers did...
B:  Yeah, but they're not everybody.

M:  Would you encourage couples to get help sooner?
B:  Yeah probably after a year.  If you're older, probably sooner.

M:  (Smiling) You read my blog?
B:  No, it was from meeting with Dr. D.

M:  (Laughing) Ok, well, what has been the hardest thing so far?
B:  Watching you be disappointed month after month and that ongoing depressed state it has caused you.

M:  How about you? Were you disappointed?
B: Yeah.

M:  I'm sorry.  So, you had a test to check your fertility.  Do you wanna talk about it?
B: Not really.

M:  (Laughing) That is ok...
B:  It's not that big of a deal.  There's just not that much to talk about. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't just you or not you at all with the problem.

M:  Aww, you're sweet.  What were you thinking when Dr. D said you had abnormal morphology?
B:  I guess I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to fix it.

M:  I was scared we'd have to use a sperm donor, and then I wondered how much Elijah Wood's sperm would cost.  Who's sperm would you want to use?
B:  Ben Affleck

M:  Yuck!  OK, to be fair, what celebrity egg donor would you want to use?
B:  Katy Perry, but only if we could do it the old fashioned way.

M:  (Mouth gaping)
B: What?!  She's on my hall pass list.

M:  Well, good thing you can't, then. How are you with the whole fertility treatment thing?
B:  Kinda taking it as it comes.  I'm both excited and hesitant.  I feel like this is the last chance if it doesn't work. (We are starting IVF this cycle.)

M:  That would be sad.  Can we not try another round?
B:  I guess so.  If we have the money.

M: (Sighs) I hate that part.  What's been the scariest thing so far?
B:  Probably the first IUI attempt that was botched and you had that freak-out.

M:  Yeah, I can be pretty scary.  Do you still like me?
B:  (Shakes head yes) You're alright.

M:  Just alright?
B: Yeah.

M:  I'm fishing for compliments. Try again.
B:  You're nice?

M:  That's better...Do you want a divorce?
B: No!

M:  Why do you think so many couples facing infertility end up getting divorced?
B:  Maybe some men just want to move on.  It's such an emotional hardship and some men can't deal.  Some women can't either I assume.

M:  How do you deal?
B:  Well, I don't have to grieve every month like you do.  I guess I have other things to distract me from it.  I'm not going to be real upset until they sit us down and tell us we have no more options.

M:  What would you say is the current theme song of our relationship?
B:  I don't know.  What do you think?

M:  "Hit Me with Your Best Shot"?  I would say that Sia song from the last Twilight movie because it sounds sad and pretty, but I can't understand what she's saying so I don't know what it's about.  Maybe "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson.
B:  That works.

M:  So, why don't we just adopt?
B:  It's definitely an option.  but I'd rather keep trying until we can't.  I'm just not ready to give up on having our own child.  I don't mean adoption is a bad thing, I'm just not ready.

M:  I feel the same way.  I think that is something that has really helped us.  We may have different levels of anxiety about this whole process, but we are on the same page when it comes to our plan of attack.  Ok, who's worse?  MK on Clomid or Cruella DeVille?
B:  MK on Clomid, definitely.

M: How 'bout MK on Clomid or Leona Helmsley?
B:  MK

M:  Really?
B:  Yes.

M:  I guess I don't ever see it as that bad...
B:  It's pretty bad.  You are nasty and you snap, but not only that, you withdraw and want to be alone.  All unabomber like...

M:  Well, I do want to keep some of my friends, and they probably wouldn't tolerate raving lunatic bitch, MK as well as you.  I'm truly sorry that I've hurt your feelings.  It's just the Clomid talking.  It's kind of like being possessed.  Do you have any advice for dealing with raving lunatic bitch, MK, that you could pass on to other super-hero partners dealing with their hormone-crazed counter-part?
B:  Patience!  Alone time, too.  It's important to get away sometimes.  Infinite patience.

M:  You know I love you, right?  You're pretty amazing!
B:  (Smiles.)

M: Do you have any other thoughts or advice for other manly men doing the infertility thing with their partners?
B:  Have patience.  There really isn't a lot you can do.  Love them, support them, and try to keep things as normal as possible.

M:  God, I love you!  So, how am I as a journalist?
 B:  Not too bad.  You're no Lois Lane.

M:  Wow, I was totally having an "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" moment, and you just burst my bubble.  Anything else?
B:  No.

M: (Sighing.) Men!  Can't spawn with 'em, can't spawn without 'em.

And we're out,


  1. If I ever wonder why we are friends with you guys, all I have to do is read this again! Love you guys and miss you bunches!! Paige

  2. I feel badly laughing at this because of the serious and emotional nature of the topic, but this is funny (I don't care who you are). Prayers for acceptance for whatever the future holds... Allison