Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

...and it's not going so well.  My insurance bucked at covering the Depo-Lupron even though they say it's covered in their paperwork for treatment of endometriosis. I guess they don't like that it is coming from a reproductive endocrinologist. Meanwhile, I'm waving my arms saying just let me pay for it myself...but nay. Let me at least have something to help my situation but I guess my insurance doesn't think I deserve even that. So now we enter the appeals process.

Aside from a terrible headache, still having cramps, and still not being comfortable in any of my clothes, I'm having an awful day.  I want to cry, but I have too much to do. I'm so behind on Christmas and quite frankly I'd just as soon not celebrate this year, anyway.  I'm so unhappy and lost and holidays just seem to highlight all the worst parts of being infertile. I don't have any energy left to fake my way through it.

I feel like I have all this borrowed time that I don't want. I saw my evenings at this point of my life being occupied with entertaining a growing baby. Splitting time with BJ for diaper duty vs. cuddle duty, but instead BJ is just stuck with the zombie-version of his wife. People tell us we are lucky to be so "care-free" and can just do "whatever". Lucky? Care-free? Not to mention parenting is what we want to be doing now. It's pretty cold when people say things like that. Nor am I in a very good place to just brush stuff off.

I'm still just so disgusted with myself, my body, and this whole situation. I'm completely worn down and worn out. It just seems like I can't catch a break and even my health insurance is working against me. It's not like I signed up for any of this.



  1. I'm sorry you're dealing with insurance shenanigans on top of the rest of the trauma you're going through, lady. Thinking of you and hoping the clouds will clear soon for you.

  2. I'm so sorry for this most recent blow. I know how hard the pain can be, and how awful it is to be denied coverage too. I was onced denied Lupron and then another time a new pain medicine. It's standard practice for insurance. I don't know why they can't understand...they are suppose to help. I'll be praying for you!