Thursday, July 2, 2015

Happy Big Fetus Week!

Yes, Pico!!! You're not an embryo anymore.  You're a solid, moving, heartbeating, big boy or girl fetus!

It's been a big week for Pico.  His/Her heart is almost completely developed. Should be close to an inch long [well, maybe...], and really your mom (me) is starting to feel better already.

I mean I can nap like a champion, but the dizziness is pretty much gone, I don't notice my boobs quite as much.  I have to admit, that when I'm not so anxious about the viability of this pregnancy, it's pretty easy-going. I won't get to see Pico until next Thursday, and I can't wait!  It feels like forever away, but I'm looking forward to all the changes they go through in 10 days and comparing it to the last scan.  Really every pregnancy is a miracle.  The whole process of going from a tiny egg and sperm to a human, and being at an advantage of getting to watch it pretty closely is breath-taking.

I have no idea what my baby is going to look like.  I guess no one really does, but for me especially. I actually don't remember much from the donor profile except the basics, and I can't recall the pictures at all, so it's maybe going to be a little bit more surprising to us than average.  I'm cognitively aware that this is not my DNA, but my heart is 110% into this.  To put it simply, I don't really care where my babies genetic material came from.  I'm happy for BJ and myself that I get to carry his genetic child, but I'm more happy to be pregnant with what is very much my child in every other way.  The only time I've given more than a fleeting thought about it is when people have said things like "I hope the baby has your red hair."  I just smile and say thank you...and then to be honest was more confused about the red hair part...

I had 2 years to mourn my blue eyes, my BLONDE hair, and perhaps the little girl that was too dramatic for her own good.  It was hard at the time, but now it's the best decision we've ever made with regard to fertility treatments.  For me, experiencing pregnancy, and not doing meth/crack/dope/heroin/Opana/alcohol while being pregnant were ultimately more important to me than what the baby looked like.  I know people have had great adoption experiences, but we really left our adoption consultation with a bleak outlook.  Not to mention I'm saturated in drug babies working as a women's health nurse in East TN, so I'm probably not the best to separate myself from some of these stories.  It is a sad reality, and I just wanted a chance at not having a child exposed to those things.  That was my dealbreaker, which pretty much put us at an extreme disadvantage according to our consultant in an already slim market.  She told us that things have gotten worse in recent years, and that while most of the children turn out fine, there were always risks.  Well, in my heart, there is enough risk with any pregnancy that I can't deal with the thought of intentionally exposing my child to more harm.  Again, fortunately, there are better/stronger people than I, who are happy to adopt these children.  But between it being an absolute, and having a doctor tell me I was capable of getting pregnant, I'm glad we stuck with the path we chose.

I can't stand the thought of looking at a precious baby in a crib and ever thinking "What if?"  At that point in our family planning, I couldn't promise that thought would not occur, and so we chose to let go of the adoption process and pursue egg donors, again.  At one time, I thought that about egg donation, too, so we will see how our cookies crumble down the road.

But back to our adorable little Pico...Mommy and Daddy could not be prouder of you.  Hang in there and we'll peak at you in a week!

So at 9 weeks, I am...

...holding at -10 lbs.
...craving...anything in chicken broth...chicken and rice soup, chicken noodle soup, egg drop soup, Chicken flavored Ramen [cringe], chicken bouillion...(good thing my BP is low when I'm not pregnant, and even lower, now!) Honestly, I don't know if I'm craving it, so much as they taste good and go down easy when my stomach is a little sour... I'm kinda disappointed I haven't made BJ go on any crazy food runs...
...averse to...Amend the above to anything in chicken broth except Progresso products...
...feeling...pretty good.  Indigestion is my biggest complaint, boobs still remind me something different is happening, and I can nap like my Golden Retriever...which is to say I can sleep multiple times during the day with no problem. love with my new Boppy Maternity Pillow...and while I'm not sporting a bump yet, it prevents me from completely rolling over on my stomach which is starting to get uncomfortable.  It's nice because it comes in 3 pieces so it can grow with me...

Peace, Love, And Making It to the Fetal Stage,
Mary Katherine

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