So, again, my life guru/acupuncturist (who is amazing)...posed a difficult question for me to work on.
Why do I want to be a mother?
The first thing I see in my mind is a little girl with blonde hair holding my hand with her dimply one in a super cute outfit. Having a mini-me is extremely selfish, but it is a perk...like I said that's just the first vision that pops in my head...
For one thing, what BJ and I have is pretty damn special. I love him more than I could ever express in words. I want him to be the father he wants to be. He is truly my soul-mate, and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without him as my other half. It's cliche, but he brings the best out in me. I'm happier, nicer (believe it or not), and totally love the life I have with him. Two surgeries later, and the first thing I do when I see him as I wake up from anesthesia is smile. Ask my mom and she'd be the first to tell ya that's not my typical reaction [Mom if you respond to this post with any surgery stories I will put an order of protection out against you and you can just forget seeing Emma Grace!]...that is really something special I got right there! So, summarize all that to say that we would be thrilled to bring another soul into this happy, a bit crazy, but pretty amazing life. We feel confident we could guide them into being productive, compassionate adults like their parents and grandparents. We believe our child could make the world a little better.
My parents did a pretty amazing job with me in my opinion. I've been given an amazing number of opportunities that have enriched my life and made me a the person I am today. I want my parents to see all of that summed up in their progeny. I want my parents to be grandparents...They will be perfectly terrible in all the ways you secretly want grandparents to be...You know the limitless sugar, soda and send them home routine, teaching your child about Chuck E. Cheese's and leaving the parents to take them while they enjoy a peaceful evening laughing at the suckers their turned out to be, teaching them stuff that is absolutely historically inaccurate and your child dogmatically believing it. (Daddy, you let me believe we won the War of Northern Aggression until I was 8!..and then I cried!) So yeah, my parents deserve to be grandparents, they'll be pretty awesome.
There is nothing more precious than unconditional love. To just love something for absolutely no other reason than to just love it, I think that, and not the hokey pokey, is what it's all about. I already unconditionally love my family, my husband, and definitely all of our pets. I think if you can love a cat unconditionally, you can love anything, and every once in a while a head butt and a purr lets you know that they feel it, too...until they remember you're the bane of their existence, again. I want to provide another soul with the opportunity to be unconditionally loved. I want to teach them compassion for other souls including cats and the people with cat-like souls that deserve it the least, but require it the most.
This whole quest is selfish. In the big picture, it doesn't matter. God does not love me any less or any more whether I have children or not. It's not about me. Everyone who reads this blog will go on about their lives and strive to be happy whether or not I have children along with everyone else in the world. The best and most important thing I can do is go about mine. I shall continue to be happy for others in their successes and grieve with them in their losses.
Peace, Love & Namaste,