Sunday, October 16, 2011

Random thoughts...

So everything is hunky-dory at Casa de Roberts on what has been a nice fall weekend, aside for another football loss, which we are unfortunately getting pretty used to in this part of the country...

BJ's getting psyched to start his new job. Unfortunately/Fortunately, his new job starts exactly when our IVF craziness gets hectic, but he met with his new boss this past week and found out he can take a couple of days off his first month working [SHEW!].  I have a great husband who has made a lot of sacrifices for me.  I think it took a lot of guts to meet with his new boss that he hasn't even started working for yet and tell him our "situation". Once again we've been blessed with employers who are as forgiving as they can be.

The only bummer about the timing of this cycle is my parents will be in Italy.  I'm so happy for them, and I hope they enjoy every minute of the trip.  It's just going to be different not being able to call my mother 2, 3, 4 times a day when things are scary, stressful, or just sad.  Sure, I have friends I could call, but who will listen to someone incomprehensibly sob into the phone for a half hour without telling you things will get better if things go poorly again? Who just listens to you lament without offering a fix?  Logistically, what do you do with a 6 month old 50lb frolicking puppy when you are on modified bed rest? I can do all these things, in fact I get paid to listen to other people suffer, but I've never been good at using my friends when I need them.  I truly hate being a burden.  I super hate for people to see me when I'm sick or incapacitated.  I just don't feel like myself and don't want to be seen.  So my options are to kennel my dear Emma, ask for help, or maybe both...AGH!

As for me, I'm trying to not be too preoccupied with this cycle.  I've had fun this weekend hanging with my husband, my mom, and a close friend.  It's been nice to just be "normal" despite running off to swallow a pill or shoot up occasionally.  I'm still trying to eat more organically, and a nazi about taking my drugs at the right time, but that is all I can and have to do.  It doesn't take up my whole day.

The Lupron has been pretty easy.  No side effects at all (told you I didn't believe in them...) The only issue is the needle.  These are super tiny insulin-sized syringes I'm using.  They don't hurt at all, except when the needle is blunt.  Then you have to go all kamikaze soldier on yourself.  I'm 2 and 2 on sharp and blunt, and visually they look exactly the same..ugh!...or maybe my skin is that tough (FINALLY)!

While I'm not spending hour upon hour on fertility message boards I am following a group going through their IVF cycle around the same time.  It's easier to be more concerned for them, to share my experiences with the 1st timers, and to have a specific group to pray for and know they are praying for me.  Again, this is a very isolating experience.  It's seems even more isolating after a failure.  I don't know a single person personally who has been through an IVF failure, so a little time on a message board where I can find a few helps.  Unfortunately, thus far we've started this cycle with more consoling than celebrating.  If you would not mind, please throw in an extra prayer for all of us who are suffering through infertility.  Thanks!

Peace, Love, and a Prayer or Two,

1 comment:

  1. One of my message board ladies threw her lit and decorated Christmas tree off of her balcony after a failed IVF cycle. Hugs, MK. You're not crazy, and you're not alone.