Thursday, September 4, 2014

Well, Bummer

No embryo transfer for me next week...dammit.  It's difficult because you get excited, but alas, my body is just doing what it seems to be best at...being difficult.

It's not really a big deal, it's just that my body is being slow to respond to the estrogen.  I've been wearing four 0.1 mg estrogen patches at a time since Monday, but my lining is about 5 days behind what they were expecting.  I had thin linings before I started fertility treatments.  In fact, it was one of the many "this may be the culprit" to figuring out what was keeping me from achieving a pregnancy. So this is not completely shocking, but it's hard not to be disappointed, or scared that this is the start of failure.

Of course they want to follow me more closely now, and of course I can't come when they want me to because of work. Ugh...It's super frustrating.  It's one thing I really resent about being infertile.  I mean a meeting, a work schedule change, a business trip can make the difference in being able to try to have a baby and a whole month's worth of medication being blown.

So other than trying to not be super-bummed and having no idea what's next, I'm fine, I guess.  Well, I mean I'm infertile fine, which is really to say that I'm devastated but so used to being devastated that it is practically my default setting.

On the upside, I'm not having many symptoms from the estrogen, but then again, maybe that's the problem???  In fact, let me check [logging into my portal to check labs]. Ah, estrogen only went up from 45 to 59...When I was doing a stim cycle it would be 2,500, while I don't need for it to be that high...probably closer to 200 would be ideal.  Actually, 40s-50s are what my levels should be during menstruation. So at this moment, with 4 estrogen patches on, I'm practically at the lower end required for bone phenomenal...

I've tried...really tried, to not go supplement/diet crazy this go around, and I can't handle it anymore.  I feel like I'm poisoning my child already.  So as I read about estrogen levels like a nutter, all I'm finding is how bad starches are on estrogen levels. So here I go, probably, all ape-shit, throwing all the food out of my house that might have anything related to rice, corn, flour, starch, potatoes, sugar and what have you out of the house...

Poor BJ...

Peace, Love, and Trying to Focus on the End-Game,

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