Sunday, January 17, 2016

37.3...I spawned!

So yeah...I didn't quite make it to 42 weeks... cuz this peanut-sized ball of joy decided that 1/16/16 would be a better day.

BJ and I are in heaven.  We love our baby boy so much.  He's just simply amazing.  I can't take my eyes off of him, and I still wonder how this little miracle came to be ours.  

I watch him sleep, eat, look around, chew his hand, stretch his legs, and just feel so privileged that I was a part of that.  

Because I'm still so full of adrenalin and bliss, and every other happy adjective that you can imagine, I simply leave you with this little piece that I have kept near and dear to my heart for the last 5.5 years.

I will be a wonderful mother.
There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.  
I have longed, and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child. 
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.  
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temp, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.  
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.  
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. 
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. 
I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won, so now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join in theirs.
I listen. 
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Peace, Love, and Staring at my Living Miracle, 
Mary Katherine & Matt (aka Pico)

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