Friday, January 1, 2016

35.2...Happy New Year

I re-read my New Year's blog from last year, and I still totally agree with it.  I mean, look at what not demanding anything from God or myself has brought me!  I'm a mom-to-be, a doctoral candidate, an extremely happy wife, and a very happy night shift nurse (I am Kassi!)...

So I dedicate this year to just being in the moment again, and learning how to parent the beautiful miracle growing inside my expansive belly. I have tons to learn.  I don't know hellabeans 'bout raisin' no babies.  I should probably be more concerned, but I'm not.  I mean I've watched enough Teen Mom to know that I'm probably better prepared than some. I also frequent Wal-Mart in East Tennessee so I have a pretty good idea on what parenting should not look like...

( I'm pretty sure you're supposed to NOT put plastic bags on your kid's head...but what do I know)
I am totally getting excited to have Pico on the outside.  My precious miracle of modern science.  Again, I cannot emphasize how blessed I feel to live in a time where you can be going into menopause at the age of 28 and still have a chance to carry a healthy pregnancy.  It's pretty staggering to think of everything that's had to happen just so to make this possible.  I literally thank God everyday for the incredible minds that have collectively worked together to give us this miracle.

Last year I talked about not setting myself up for failure, how I would take things one step at a time and focus on the small accomplishments...and it worked. That's not to say I didn't stress or obsess... I know myself too well to think that forbidding myself to ever get stressed out is an attainable goal, but I simply followed the steps set before me even when the voice in my head said 'it's fruitless'.  Despite all of my fears about my uterus being inhospitable to life, that surgery would show I couldn't bear children, etc, I just followed through on my end. 

I guess the biggest thing I learned is that no matter how much control you think you have or want to have you can still live without it...and function pretty well, too.  If there are people willing to take the reigns from you in an area of your life that totally stresses you out...let them.  Even with this pregnancy, I know way too much, and I am constantly surrounded by everything that can go wrong with pregnancy as a high risk antepartum nurse, but I've never been pregnant before, so I don't assume to think that because I have a cramp Pico is dead.  I have felt that way, but other people didn't think so, and they knew more.  They also got me pregnant and have kept me pregnant, so I defer to their expertise. And it's wonderful...even when my pessimistic infertile mind is sure Pico has left me because ze hasn't moved in an hour, nobody else thinks that, and they are much more reliable resources than I am.  I'm not saying to ignore your gut, but definitely ignore that hostile voice in the back of your head that tells you everything is going wrong when it's not.  When you can't, ask people you trust!

Peace, Love, and to Another Amazing Year of 'Somethings',

Mary Katherine

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