Thursday, June 12, 2014

Bitten by the Late Night Crazies

I need my friends, clearly. And my job...two days without working has given me too much time to think so the doubt monster is creeping in. 

Ugh. Given my history, it's a reasonable fear. Given the new circumstances, I'm just being crazy. So I've spent the last hour and a half with the quack, Dr. Google, and he/she has only confirmed that I'm batty. 

I hate not knowing all the answers but the truth is we just won't know until we know after our donor's retrieval that her eggs are mature and, the piece I've always missed, of good quality. 

We're becoming so hopeful that we are letting our guard down and talking about budgets and affording this child like it may actually happen. I catch myself imagining Emma Grace with a toddler to get in trouble with, finding "caveman" drawings on our walls, and actually getting to parent a child. When in reality, we have 39 more weeks worth of hurdles to make it through. Even me with crap ovaries did well the first week, although my donor's labs are better...much, much better! Believe, MK, believe!

It's exhausting anticipating every possible outcome. I'm just so afraid of disappointment. I'm afraid for our donor, I'm afraid for my parents and in-laws, and I'm afraid for BJ and me. 

I guess this is where we just pray for the strength to get through whatever outcome is headed in our direction. 

Peace, Love, and Not Going Batshit,
Mary Katherine

1 comment:

  1. What will be will be. Sometimes you just have to breath. Breath GF!