Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Oh the anxiety...

Today we are not supposed to get a report, and so far we haven't...so that is good, right????!!!

It's so funny, the high of yesterday's "They fertilized normally," gave way to this morning's anxiety. Which is unfortunate because I had to do my biometric profile for my insurance.  It took a while, but some deep breaths and envisioning my toes in the sand with a margarita in hand enabled me to get my resting heart rate down from 136 to 107.  Yes...I workout regularly, normally I'm in the 70s, on good days in the 60s, but in the middle of fertility treatments I probably stay between 110-140.

I told you my heart breaks...

But anywho, it's only because I don't know what's going on.  I'm scared for tomorrow, and it's hard to stay in this scary moment of not knowing.  The nurse practitioner at my internist's today asked about when we were planning to do the our transfer, and I tearfully told her September.  She gave me instructions to stop taking my Topomax in August which is exciting if this works, but sad if it does not.

Just keep breathing, MK.

So we shall see where we are tomorrow.  That's all we can do.  Just keep swimming, or stand-up paddle-boarding, or snuggling with cats.  Which is funny...because as I cuddled with my cats who are mostly jerks...like today, I had to pull a huge piece of plastic rubber cement glue strip off of a mailer or something out of Lucifer's mouth (absolutely no clue where he found it) that he was trying to eat...I look at them and I think, 'No one gave a damn about you when you were just an embryo, and you made it,'  So maybe, just maybe things are going the way they normally do.  Even if it means my children will eat glue like their fuzzy brother...

So I have to give myself a pat on the back.  I functioned today.  I worked out at the gym. I cleaned. I called my mom every 2 hours...ok so the last part probably not so indicative of high-functioning, but despite my racing heartbeat...I'm functioning. So maybe I have gotten a little stronger in the last 2 years.

Peace, Love, & Functioning,
Mary Katherine

Gratuitous picture of Lucifer post op from his first of 2 surgeries to remove foreign bodies from his stomach...

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